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Clean jokes for a dirty world

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#21
Cat and Mouse

There was a cat and a mouse who went to heaven, and they were there at the same time. Well, the mouse approaches God's throne, and God asks him, "So, how do you like it up here?"

The mouse says, "It's nice, but could I get a pair of roller skates?"

God says, "Sure."

So, the mouse gets his roller skates.

Well, the next day, the cat approaches God's throne, and the same question is directed at him. So, he answers, "It's great! I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!"

:D:D:D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#22
Two Italian guys are driving through Texas ...

Two Italian guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."

Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"

The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that guy would've tried that crap with me!

:D:D:D
 
#24
anneliese;199972 said:
the pasta diet and your health
italian pasta diet -- it really works!


1. You walk pasta da bakery.
2. You walk pasta da candy store.
3. You walk pasta da ice cream shop.
4. You walk pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!

And...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.

1. The japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the english.
2. The mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the english.
3. The chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the english.
4. The italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the english.
5. The germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the english.

conclusion:

eat and drink what you like.
Speaking english is apparently what kills you.
this is really a fun! Thank you! Lol
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#26
Success in Marriage

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

:D:D:D
 
#27
Lol!

LOLOLOL! That is a GOOD one! Hilariously Funny!!! Thanks for the laugh! Love Stacey :yin:

Anneliese;200945 said:
During a recent password audit at our company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"


When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

:D:D:D
 
#29
News just in - Two ships , one carrying blue paint and the other carrying green paint, have collided. Both crews are said to have been marooned..........
 
#31
Entertainment News - "Plastex" , the worlds leading "Mr.Plastic" act has had his career cut short when he sat on a radiator and made a complete pool of himself.

And later we talk to a Tax man who will show us how to fill in a form and a Foreman who"ll then fill in the Tax man..........

And finally - Police are keen to speak to a thief who steals the end of news items. He is described as Medium build with a very big ........
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#32
Geoff.C;201108 said:
Entertainment News - "Plastex" , the worlds leading "Mr.Plastic" act has had his career cut short when he sat on a radiator and made a complete pool of himself.

And later we talk to a Tax man who will show us how to fill in a form and a Foreman who"ll then fill in the Tax man..........

And finally - Police are keen to speak to a thief who steals the end of news items. He is described as Medium build with a very big ........
Good ones!!:D:D:D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#34
Geoff.C;201111 said:
Just heard that the owner of ODEON cinemas has passed away. His funeral will be on Monday at 2.10, 3.40,5.20,7.10 and 8.15.

Ha,ha,ha.......keep them jokes coming. It's good to laugh!!LOL:D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#35
Vacation

Darla had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Darla, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?"

"No", replied Darla, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First
Anniversary.'"

:D:D:D
 
#36
Angus McPorridge, the worlds longest serving deck chair attendant, collapsed at the sea front today. It took five people 45 minutes to work out how to get him up again............
(Incidently - if anyone is a fan of facebook ,Im on there as Geoff Crosswaite - for those people who fancy making friends).
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#37
Cool Coffee

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, the clerk came to the window looking frustrated, and announced, "I'm having a problem. The ice keeps melting." :D:D:D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
#38
Geoff.C;201115 said:
Angus McPorridge, the worlds longest serving deck chair attendant, collapsed at the sea front today. It took five people 45 minutes to work out how to get him up again............
(Incidently - if anyone is a fan of facebook ,Im on there as Geoff Crosswaite - for those people who fancy making friends).
Thanks for the info. When I join facebook, I will look you up!!;)
 
#40
News - Dopey McFlirty, the worlds least successful Terrorist, received 3rd degree burns to his mouth after trying to blow up a petrol tanker........