Clean jokes for a dirty world

[BarbaraAnn101]

Grandma's don't know everything!



Tony was 6 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.


He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the
house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in
the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called
sexual intercourse.
Oh, Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.



A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants
to talk to you.'

 

[Irishgirl]

LOL good one!

 

[Irishgirl]

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Tommy to the doctor.
After the examination, the doctor said, "His unit is too small. An old wives' tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight."
The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.
"Mom!" Tommy yells. "The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast."
"I know." said his mother. "The other ten are for your father."

 

[Irishgirl]

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

 

[ORANGATUANG]

This guy asked an scotsman' whats under your kilt'? and the scotsman said 'your wifes lipstick'

 

[ORANGATUANG]

This FUNKY MUNKY is feeling abit more FUNKIER tonight..ohhhhhh yeah!!!

 

[Irishgirl]

Wonder were Anneliese is? Miss her.

 

[ORANGATUANG]

I know i havent seen her on face book lately either must send her an message on there ...hope all is good with her..and then i shall let you know ok?.

 

[Anneliese]

Hey girls, I am still around!!LOL Got done with moving and fixing up my new house and yard. Love my new home. As soon as I got some free time I will continue posting!! Love ya girls and miss you!!

 

[Irishgirl]

Miss you too! I cannot wait for you to come back! I'm so glad that you are enjoying your new home. Tis' the season for gardening.

 

[ORANGATUANG]

Hi Anneliese good to see you girl.. thanks for the jokes

 

[Anneliese]

Hey girlfriend!! Don't have any right now, but I will sooner or later!!LOL
The only thing I am planting is flowers Irishgirl!! Nothing else!! You all have a great day!! I will!!

 

[ORANGATUANG]

Thats cool girl when you do come share with your family here..thast why iam on early this morning as iam getting into my garden an couple of my schoolies are coing to help many hands make light work they say

 

[Irishgirl]

I'm cleaning out and replanting my herb garden this weekend....cannot wait. It's about the only thing that can be done early in the Northeast until Mother's Day. We are still having frost at night.

 

[Anneliese]

Its been pretty cool the last few days. I wish the weather would make up his mind. It is SPRING after all!!

 

[Irishgirl]

I hear you! Severe Storms are scheduled for today. I need to replant some of my Herbs that didn't survive the winter. It's been Crazy! Nice to hear from you!

 

[Anneliese]

Medical Alert: Worse than
bedbugs

What is a calorie?​

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at​

night and sew your clothes tighter. ​

MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS. ​

 

[BarbaraAnn101]

Two Catholic Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say
one thing."



"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say,
"Hi, we're hookers!
Y'wanna have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.
Then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said,
"I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise nd worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying....
that phrase ... in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded,
"that may very well be the solution.."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with
them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
union:
"Hi, we're hookers! Y'wanna to have some
fun?"
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over
at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
"Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!"

 

[BarbaraAnn101]

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

 

[Irishgirl]

Anneliese- LOL ....That's a good one!