TDWoj said:
I'm just bothered by the fact that he'll be instructing me, once he moves ahead of me in rank, and I'm afraid I won't be able to take his instruction, because I have more experience, even though I'll be at a lower rank.
Sensei is the one instructing you. The only real consistent difference in your rank discrepancy will be that the person of lower rank goes as uke first during practice.
Sure some people are known to correct others now and then. You have to feel if the advice the person giving you actual makes sense or is it just something retarded. Are they resisting when you do the technique wrong, to let you feel the right path through it, or are they resisting anything you do, just to show how "superior" they are ?
The latter type of passive-aggressive behavior is not an indication of superior skill. It is an indication of the fact that in a controlled environment with a certain degree of cooperation, anyone can resist anything as long as they know what comes next. This is not honest ukemi.
Aikido practice covers many "potential moments" of a martial encounter. In real life, if you find yourself in a good position for technique X, Y, or Z, you do that technique. If you're set up for X and try to do Z, it will not work.
The uke's work is to simulate whatever "potential moment" you're training for NOW, and give an attack which makes the technique you're practicing most suitable for it.
Is is NOT his job to be a smartass and pretend that he's helping you with practicing for moment X, and then resist, changing his energy for technique N.
I think I'm also struggling with the fact that this kid has had an easy life, and everything has been easy for him. He's a rich kid, had no trouble getting a good education, is a senior financial advisor in a very big firm here in Toronto, wears $1000 suits and drives an expensive sports car. Now he comes to aikido, and in 40 days gets a rank handed to him on a platter, because he's young and everything comes easy to him; it's a gift.
We all have our lessons. I don't want to preach my beliefs on you, but I see this as different souls choosing different degrees of lessons in this life. People who are born into easy lives are choosing easier lessons because they can't handle what you can handle. Or maybe they just had a life like yours and now they're taking a break. But then again thats just what I think, I don't want to push my beliefs on you, feel free to dismiss it as gibberish
It's hard not to be bitter when in my case, I have to work three times as hard as everyone else just to achieve less than a quarter of what others do in the same amount of time; nothing, for me, is a gift. It's all hard work, and by a a combination of bad luck and bad timing, I can't take the 5th kyu test in December and will be forced to wait until the next round of testing, in March.
Your skill and attendance is what matters. Ranking is just recognition of that skill. Sure, this may make some things politically awkward between people who are ranked higher but less skilled than you. But it is unavoidable, it is a part of training. It is bound to happen sooner or later, and the only way to deal with it is to make peace with it. Steven Seagal said, "learn to feel what is real". You will feel when the higher ranked guy is genuinely trying to help or just being an ass. Sometimes you will be wrong. Thankfully, there's always Sensei who observes the entire class and will sort it out.
It's been a tough week, and my thoughts are all over the place. I've been wrestling with that voice whispering in my ear all day.
Part I:
"This kid is better than you are because he's young, has a natural athleticism which makes aikido a walk in the park for him, life altogether has been easy for him, he's never had to struggle for anything and that's why everything for him is a gift, handed to him on a silver platter, as if it were his due."
My boss is younger than me and has a bigger salary than me. My cousins are more social than me. My friends are married and I am not. You can always find these thoughts and they will always be there waiting for you, ready to dip you into a bout of pointless depression.
Part II:
"You, on the other hand, have been handed a crooked body, a lifetime's worth of baggage from an early life of living hell, have had one thing after another denied to you because of shortage of money, all you have is your hard work and dedication, nothing has ever been easy for you, and nothing comes to you despite all the work and dedication you put into your pursuits. Of course he should get ranked before you do."
Let him be who he is and do what he does.
Part III:
"He is deserving, because life is easy for him; you work hard, therefore you are not deserving."
That's a tough voice not to listen to, and it's been whispering all day.
Who do you imagine this voice would belong to, if you could conjure up their image ?
The only reason I didn't quit yesterday was because I was told by the instructor after class that during the last technique we did, my execution was the best of everyone in the class - even the black belts didn't do it better. I was absolutely solid, absolutely centred.
I was better than wonder boy. Ain't that something.
Yes, and there will be other days when you'll feel that nothing works. You may think that it is IMPOSSIBLE for your ability to range that widely from a "noob" to a "near black belt", and that the "nothing works" impression is clearly the one that is correct, and the "proficiency" impression was an illusion.
You will be wrong. In Aikido, your physical skill CAN differ extremely widely depending on what mental state you're in. One day you ARE a black belt and the other day you are a stiff board. The goal is to reduce the number of the latter and accept that there always will be bad days. This too, shall pass.
I don't mean to lecture you on this, I am only 28 years old, but I do have an idea of how you feel. I am sure you already know everything I've said here, but I know that during times when I feel lost, I wish there was someone to remind me of these things.