Joke-why women are so cranky

Amos Stevens

New Member
For the record, let's say complicated not cranky!
> > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Why Women are Cranky
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
old
only
> to
> > > > >find
> > > > > > > > > anything that comes in contact with those tender,
blooming
> > buds
> > > > >hurts
> > > > > > > so
> > > > > > > > > bad it brings us to tears.
> > > > > > > > > Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra
contraption
> > the
> > > > >boys
> > > > > > in
> > > > > > > > > school will snap until we have calluses on our
backs.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens
(or
> > sooner).
> > > > > > > > > Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we
cramp,
we
> > > > > > > > > get the hormone crankies, have to wear little
mattresses
> > > between
> > > > >our
> > > > > > > legs
> > > > > > > > > or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we
didn't
> > even
> > > > >know
> > > > > > we
> > > > > > > > > had.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not)
is
> having
> > > sex
> > > > >for
> > > > > > > the
> > > > > > > > > first time which is about as much fun as having a
ramrod
> push
> > > > >your
> > > > > > > uterus
> > > > > > > > > through your nostrils (IF he did it right and
> > > > > > > > > didn't end up with his little cart before his
horse),
> leaving
> > > us
> > > > >to
> > > > > > > > > wonder what all the fuss was about.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live
on
dry
> > > > >crackers
> > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > > water for a few months so we don't spend the
> > > > > > > > > entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course,
amazing
> > > > >creatures
> > > > > > that
> > > > > > > > we
> > > > > > > > > are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing
little
> > > angels
> > > > > > > inside
> > > > > > > > > us steadily kicking our innards night and day
making us
> > wonder
> > > if
> > > > > > we're
> > > > > > > > > having Rosemary's Baby.
> > > > > > > > > Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a
> watermelon
> > > > >whole
> > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > we
> > > > > > > > > pee our pants every time we sneeze.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed
Nether
> > > > >Regions
> > > > > > will
> > > > > > > > > invariably burst right in the middle of the mall
and
we'll
> > > waddle
> > > > > > with
> > > > > > > > our
> > > > > > > > > big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the
ER.
> Then
> > > it's
> > > > > > huff
> > > > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > > puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
> > screaming,
> > > > >Mrs.
> > > > > > > > > Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or
10 )
good
> > > > >push,"
> > > > > > > > > warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch
the
> > *******
> > > > >(and
> > > > > > > > > hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a
wiggling,
> > > > > > > mushroom-headed
> > > > > > > > > 10lb. bowling ball through a keyhole.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > After that, it's time to raise those angels only to
find
> that
> > > > >when
> > > > > > all
> > > > > > > > > that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little
darlings
morph
> > into
> > > > > > > walking,
> > > > > > > > > jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking
little
> poop
> > > > > > machines.
> > > > > > > > > The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are
almost
grown
> > now
> > > > >and
> > > > >we
> > > > > > > > > women hit our voracious sexual prime in our
mid-30's to
> early
> > > > >40's
> > > > > > > while
> > > > > > > > > hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday
(which
> just
> > > > >happens
> > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > be
> > > > > > > > > the reason all that early hot man sex got you
pregnant
in
> the
> > > > >first
> > > > > > > > > place).
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the
> Grandmother
> > > of
> > > > >all
> > > > > > > > > womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance
cancer in
> > those
> > > > >now
> > > > > > > > > seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether
Regions, or
> > sweat
> > > > >like
> > > > >a
> > > > > > > hog
> > > > > > > > > in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and
bite
> the
> > > head
> > > > >off
> > > > > > > > > anything that moves.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful
than men
> when
> > > men
> > > > >get
> > > > > > > off
> > > > > > > > > so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being
able
to
> pee
> > > in
> > > > >the
> > > > > > > > woods
> > > > > > > > > without soaking their socks...
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make
the
> Great
> > > > >Ghandi
> > > > > > a
> > > > > > > > tad
> > > > > > > > > crabby.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Women are the "weaker sex."? Yeah right. Bite me.
 
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