Clean jokes for a dirty world

[Anneliese]

The Pasta Diet and Your Health
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS!

1. You walk pasta da bakery.
2. You walk pasta da candy store.
3. You walk pasta da ice cream shop.
4. You walk pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!

AND...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

[SeagalMovieFan]

Nice.

 

[Anneliese]

Nice.

Thanks!!

 

[Anneliese]

Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog ...

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

 

[adam roberts]

adam roberts

very good,,,very good

 

[ORANGATUANG]

Girl you rock!! you know when to give some one an laugh and iam L.M.A.O.R.O.T.F. which translate to (laughing my ass off rolling on the floor)..

 

[Anneliese]

Girl you rock!! you know when to give some one an laugh and iam L.M.A.O.R.O.T.F. which translate to (laughing my ass off rolling on the floor)..

Thanks Heather!! I am glad you had a good laugh!!

A good laugh is good for the soul!!

 

[Anneliese]

Customer Service

I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me.

 

[Anneliese]

The Broken Doll

Little Emily, the minister's daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break.

"What's wrong, dear?" asked the pastor.

"My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed.

"How did he break it, Emily?"

"I hit him over the head with it."

 

[Anneliese]

A real estate salesman and his boss

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the
piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”

“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”

 

[Anneliese]

City Fisherman

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat.
He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"

"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said.

 

[lutje]

He An you are in the great mood for makes funy jokes he,i gone see we have very good jokes in belguim to,i gone see for a very good joke.
This is fun.
Lutje.

 

[ORANGATUANG]

Got this christmas joke..


Why is an christmas tree better then an man?

It stays up for 12 days and nights, has cute balls, and looks better with the lights on!!!

 

[Anneliese]

During a recent password audit at our company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"


When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

 

[Geoff.C]

After an International Tour Prime Minister Gordon Brown returned home and ripped his wifes underwear off. He had been wearing it since Thursday. . . . . . . (Sorry, couldnt help myself)!

 

[Anneliese]

After an International Tour Prime Minister Gordon Brown returned home and ripped his wifes underwear off. He had been wearing it since Thursday. . . . . . . (Sorry, couldnt help myself)!

Couldn't help yourself? Nothing wrong with that!!LOL

 

[Anneliese]

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."

"What do you mean?" he replied. "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"

"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.

"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82, then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel, and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."

 

[Geoff.C]

Experts have found an early score by Beethoven. She was 18 and lived above the bakery.......

 

[ORANGATUANG]

This one is from my niece sure many have heard it before but still funny i think any way..

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing..

 

[Anneliese]

This one is from my niece sure many have heard it before but still funny i think any way..

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing..

Cute one Heather!!