Did the unthinkable (my Aikido journey)

[TDWoj]

Just as an FYI:

I asked about what levels each of our instructors were, and this is what I found out.

Our dojo's sensei is 5th dan (which I knew, of course).

We have one who is 3rd dan.

We have one who is 2nd dan (that's the weapons instructor).

The rest of the instructors (all men!) are 1st dan, with two testing for 2nd dan this fall. The testing will be in Toronto, so I can go and watch! That'll be fun.

We also have two women who are 1st kyu, and in my dojo that entitles them to wear a hakama.

 

[Aikilove]

You seem to be improving according to general standard TD if you ask me. Go for it.
Sorry for the late response btw. I have spent the last week getting married.

/J

 

[TDWoj]

You seem to be improving according to general standard TD if you ask me. Go for it.
Sorry for the late response btw. I have spent the last week getting married.

/J

Hey! Congratulations! And my very best regards to Mrs. Aikilove!

 

[TDWoj]

Well, tonight was first Tuesday of the month, which meant a free beginners class for those interested. This was a first - the newbies outnumbered the students 2 to 1 - there were about 30 of us in our tiny little dojo, so we weren't able to get a lot done. They've never done another randori since that first class that I attended, either - I love watching randori.

My rolling is improving somewhat. I sneaked up on one of my classmates who was kneeling, put my arm around his neck, and he flipped me, and I rolled quite neatly. I wouldn't have tried it if I didn't think I could have rolled out of it. I'm still having trouble rolling over my right shoulder, though - that right hip is still quite weak and stiff, and frankly, rolling over my right shoulder just doesn't feel natural to me.

They are starting up free practice sessions on Sunday again, so I guess I'm going to have to start going, and get that ukemi up to par! Also, I really need to work on my techniques, although I think I finally have ikkyo under control, more or less (if only I can remember the different pins! That's confusing me.)

Last night's class was my first with my dojo's sensei since she got back from the BC summer camp with O Sensei's grandson. I asked her (and another person who had attended) about it, if the Japanese training was rougher than the North American, and interestingly, she said it was a lot gentler. You still went down, of course; but without a lot of power behind it. I would have loved to have gone, let me tell you.

Anyway, she was showing us some of the techniques from the summer camp. Oh, my poor brain - so many steps! It was a combo thing happening - first, ikkyo, then tenkan, then into a nikkyo variation then another tenkan then kotegaeshi and pin. Sounds simple, doesn't it - my feet kept getting tangled up, and I was decidedly directionally challenged. "No, THAT way," she kept saying to me. I was ready to chew nails because I just could NOT remember what to do.

But I'm happy again - I hated missing three classes last week, and while I hope I get more work, I hope it doesn't mean I have to give up my classes.

 

[Amos Stevens]

Congrats to you both Aikilove! I supposssssseeeee that is a good reason for not being here

Well atleast TD you didn't go flying & land like a pancake

 

[TDWoj]

Congrats to you both Aikilove! I supposssssseeeee that is a good reason for not being here

Well atleast TD you didn't go flying & land like a pancake

More like a bagel, I think. Which is an improvement over rolling like a cardboard box.

 

[Aikilove]

Thank you both. Well we had a lot of guests flying in from the US (she's from NYC). So I had to take a week of work and be a good host (and plan the wedding of course).

/J

 

[TDWoj]

Had one of those bad days today in class. We were doing a technique that required uke to do a forward roll. Still can't do forward rolls. Felt badly enough about it I almost quit. WHEN am I going to be able to do them properly? Others who started at the same time as I (and have already had their first test) or even those who started later are doing them like they've been doing them since birth. All perfectly natural - for them.

<sigh>

Days like today, I feel like, why bother? Six months of practice, and no improvement in even the most basic skills.

We did an ukemi exercise today, which was, rolling onto our backs and then into a sitting position; then rolling and into a kneeling position; then rolling and into a standing position. Fat assed TD couldn't do it. It was humiliating.

 

[Amos Stevens]

Everyone has bad days TD..could be worse

 

[ad_adrian]

td ur just like me no matter how much i try i still aint rolling properly...in techniques i try and try but just find it hard...i can do it by my self but in the techniques i cant do it i had a shocker of a day every time i try it

 

[GlimmerMan]

TD - don't let it worry you. I used to train pretty seriously in kickboxing, but could I fu*k do a decent looking kick with my left leg. I worked really hard to get my left kicks off and got it looking kind of OK, however, it was never anywhere near as fast, powerful, accurate or smooth as my right kick. Also, I could only do basic roundhouse and pushing front kicks with my left - anything more technical like a spinning hook, crescent or axe kick was out of the question, as I simply could not do it! It used to get me down also, as some of the guys were kicking hell out of bags and could almost knock me off my feet with their left kicks during practise, whereas I felt awkward and pathetic attempting to kick with my weaker left, and no matter how much I practised, I could never really see any great improvement. Everyone has weaknesses - the trick is to work on your weakness to the best of your ability and it will get better.

GMan

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks, Glimmer. I've been trying to find ways of compensating for the weak right hip, but so far, no joy. It's either do it, or not. The forward rolls are sort of happening (though not during a technique), but the backward rolls are proving to be a problem. Left side, I can do slightly more than half the time. Right side, not at all.

I went in for free practice today, but had forgotten to ask someone to be my practice partner. I spent the first 20 minutes doing ukemi (correction: TRYING to do ukemi). I did get some help doing techniques, but some of the exact techniques we haven't done in months, so I'd forgotten the "examination" form of them. There were a couple of other people there, though, so they helped out. I'll have to be sure to ask someone to come next week.

I want to do the techniques with absolute precision, not sloppily the way I've been seeing other 6th kyu testers doing them. No extra steps. I don't get any extra points for doing them precisely; but I don't want the judges to use my sloppiness as an example of - well, sloppiness. I won't pass the test because my ukemi isn't up to standards, but I do at least want to get the techniques exactly right.

 

[Amos Stevens]

If I had known you needed a partner at the dojo today TD..I would have been there (padded from head to toe)

 

[TDWoj]

I should think with all that food on offer in the Welcome Back Amos thread, you'd be fairly well padded, anyhow... (evil grin)

 

[Aikilove]

TD- You better start accepting the fact that a precise technique will take years (for everyone) to achieve! That is the road! To always polishing that technique. And while you do this you'll see that your understanding of the technique expands and therefore your execution of it will seem worse than before sometimes! This is good. This is what happens when you're in a climbing stage of that skill-ladder.
And will you let go of your ego already? There is no such thing as they can do it like this but I can't... jadajadajada... I know you're one of the stronger ones so I know you'll prevail when others drop out because it's too hard for them (most often too hard for there egos).
Find the moments when you feel that "I really enjoy doing this! It's good for my body, and it's good for my soul" everytime you feel you don't want to go to the dojo. Remember how it was before aikido. Look at your individual progress since last month. Understand then that it's just a matter of time on the mat before you can do anything you want there.

/J

 

[TDWoj]

TD- You better start accepting the fact that a precise technique will take years (for everyone) to achieve! That is the road! To always polishing that technique. And while you do this you'll see that your understanding of the technique expands and therefore your execution of it will seem worse than before sometimes! This is good. This is what happens when you're in a climbing stage of that skill-ladder.
And will you let go of your ego already? There is no such thing as they can do it like this but I can't... jadajadajada... I know you're one of the stronger ones so I know you'll prevail when others drop out because it's too hard for them (most often too hard for there egos).
Find the moments when you feel that "I really enjoy doing this! It's good for my body, and it's good for my soul" everytime you feel you don't want to go to the dojo. Remember how it was before aikido. Look at your individual progress since last month. Understand then that it's just a matter of time on the mat before you can do anything you want there.

/J

All right, let me amend this and say I want to do the technique as precisely as possible, given the experience I have so far. The others testing at 6th kyu did so after the minimum number of classes required - 40. I'm already twice that now, and will be nearer 3 times that when my test comes up. I'm expected, therefore, to BE better than the others because I've had longer to work at it. For the number of classes I've had, I should actually be testing for 5th kyu, but I can't, until I get the 6th kyu test over with (and then I have to start back at 0 classes - no credit for the extra time before my 6th kyu test!). That's why it'll be so heartbreaking when I fail because of the ukemi problems.

Yes, I do recollect what it was like before aikido, and that's a place I certainly don't want to go back to - which is the only reason I haven't quit so far, though I should have, a dozen times over. This is just going to be another one of those things that I do that I'll never be quite good enough at, another frustration at my lack of physical capability. I'm "half good" at so many things and this is just another of those things. The other things I did quit, after years of believing just a little more practice, a little more time spent on it, and I'd get better at it - but I never did improve. Aikido is proving to be one of those things.

Most days I do enjoy it. It's only on those days when I encounter the limits of my physicial abilities that I realise I'm spending a lot of time on something I'll never able to do properly, and why, therefore, am I wasting my time and the dojo's space?

 

[Aikilove]

Most days I do enjoy it. It's only on those days when I encounter the limits of my physicial abilities that I realise I'm spending a lot of time on something I'll never able to do properly, and why, therefore, am I wasting my time and the dojo's space?

*With risk of sounding a little harsh*
What the h**l are you talking about?! I bet if you said same thing to your sensei she would bonk you over the head for it or do one of her "sweatheart/darling"!!
Honestly... if you continue to feel sorry for yourself like you keep doing just because you are not like everyone else *Heck! no-one is like everyone else!!* then I don't see how aikido will help you!!
And for your information, never in my life have I heard of an instructor failing someone because they *should be able to do this like everyone else*. How many times do you need to hear this? There is noone else in aikido! There is no - I have to... be able to... know how to.. in aikido! There is only you doing your best! That is the path right there! That is why you shouldn't have any problem passing this test of yours, unles of course you start whining during the test about your incapabilities! She knows what you can do! She just want to see if you have progressed to the point that you can do in that test what you can do on the mat!

*sorry for the harsh words TD*

/J

 

[TDWoj]

Trouble is, doing things poorly isn't the way I do things. And passing a test just because I took the test to me is a cheat.

Maybe you're right. Maybe aikido isn't the path for me to take.

 

[Aikilove]

Aikido is not about "them friggin' tests"!
TD - Read this carefully now! Say to your sensei:
-Maybe aikido isn't the path for me to take. It's obviously all lies and fakery, if all it takes to pass a test is just showing up.
-Sensei (or her name if you're more friendly), I don't understand! I want to be able to to the techniques perfectly, especially during a test. Isn't this what it's all about? But I can't even do a proper roll! Why should I keep doing aikido, since I can't do even one good roll on both sides?

Say this, I bet she will give you your answers. Please DT, I'm serious! I feel you have real potential. But you need to be told by your head instructor something personal about you and how you should be able to train aikido with a smile!

love,

/J

 

[Aikilove]

And btw. I have seen more than my share of failed tests (both kyu and dan tests). But it had nothing to do with your problems. They simply (according to the test referee) wouldn't perform the technique the referee wanted them to perform (they didn't know the basics). It had nothing to do with if they could perform perfect or with great speed. Just that they knew what tecniques that was expected for that grade and they couldn't remember how to do them, or they did them to sloppy without focus required for that grade etc.

/J

 

[ad_adrian]

well said aikilove

now td woj....
aikido isnt about the tests u dont have to do them at all....
but also saying that let me say just do it.....at the end u'll be so glad that you did....

 

[TDWoj]

My head instructor, upon hearing me mutter that ukemi would be the death of me, suggested I just change what I'm thinking to "it's a challenge". I agreed to try.

Last night's instructor wandered by during ukemi practice and told me that I had good technique even though I was having difficulty actually doing the roll. Since I couldn't figure out why he would tell me that, given the difficulties I was having doing a simple back roll at the time, I merely said "Okay" and went back to doing my badly executed ukemi, unconvinced.

I do try not to let my limitations affect what I do in class, but sometimes it's unavoidable. I forgot, one day, to warn a new partner about my stiff joints and he just about broke my shoulder during a pin. Even slapping the mat frantically didn't get him to stop, because HE wasn't finished yet, and he wasn't going to stop until HE had it right. The instructor thought I was whining. I couldn't use that arm properly for anything for the rest of the class.

So I try not to let my limitations get in the way. But students practicing techniques need an uke that can fall properly, or else they, as nage, can't learn the technique properly. Eventually, no one is going to want to practice with me, and I'm dreading that day.