Laughter is the best medicine (part 2)
- Thread starter Amos Stevens
- Start date
You both found some good ones. 
I lost my will power and gained a couple of pounds......sigh....
ORANGATUANG
Wildfire
My 9 year old niece came around this morning before she went to school and told me an joke..i thought was quite funny.
What do you call an whale with no jocks?
Free Willy.....
Not bad from an little kid....
What do you call an whale with no jocks?
Free Willy.....
Not bad from an little kid....
tora
Funmaker
STUPID QUESTIONS
WITH
SMART ANSWERS ……….
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed diplomatically ?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
WITH
SMART ANSWERS ……….
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed diplomatically ?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
Storm
Smile dammit!
I used to have good will power but i have a sweet tooth Jules.
Nice joke Heather!
I like that joke about the ring Tora.
A killer cat eh?
1 Beer shark.
2 Ninja bum.
3 That's gotta hurt. Ouch!
4 This is what plastic surgery can do. Ask Jacko..
5 A redneck high rise apartment apparently!
Nice joke Heather!
I like that joke about the ring Tora.
A killer cat eh?
1 Beer shark.
2 Ninja bum.
3 That's gotta hurt. Ouch!
4 This is what plastic surgery can do. Ask Jacko..
5 A redneck high rise apartment apparently!
Attachments
Lollipop
Banned
On pleasing others
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
Have a nice day and be careful with your donkey.
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding.
The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
Have a nice day and be careful with your donkey.
Amos Stevens
New Member
From Orangatuang
Changing a Light Bulb
Three blondes are attempting top change a light bulb.One of them decides to call 911
Blonde:We need help.We're three blondes and we're changing a light bulb
Operator:hmmmmm...You've put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde:Yes
Operator:The power is on in the house?
Blonde
fcourse
Operator:And the switch is on?
Blonde:yes yes
Operator:And the bulb still won't light?
Blonde:No it's working fine
Operator:Then whats the problem
Blonde:We got dizzy spinning the ladder & fell & hurt ourselves
Changing a Light Bulb
Three blondes are attempting top change a light bulb.One of them decides to call 911
Blonde:We need help.We're three blondes and we're changing a light bulb
Operator:hmmmmm...You've put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde:Yes
Operator:The power is on in the house?
Blonde
fcourseOperator:And the switch is on?
Blonde:yes yes
Operator:And the bulb still won't light?
Blonde:No it's working fine
Operator:Then whats the problem
Blonde:We got dizzy spinning the ladder & fell & hurt ourselves
ORANGATUANG
Wildfire
Thanks amos...Dont worry all you blondes out there even i do silly things and iam far from blonde..I think its funny to Lollipop i can just see my Xena at the lounge room window picking off other cats as they go bye...
Amos Stevens
New Member
Your'e welcome Heather
Lollipop
Banned
Oh, to be young again
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March."
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March."
Geeze, Storm.Storm said:I used to have good will power but i have a sweet tooth Jules.
Nice joke Heather!
I like that joke about the ring Tora.
A killer cat eh?
1 Beer shark.
2 Ninja bum.
3 That's gotta hurt. Ouch!
4 This is what plastic surgery can do. Ask Jacko..
5 A redneck high rise apartment apparently!
You sure like some gross ones, eh? 
I laughed at the beer and especially redneck highrise.
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
THE PRINCESS
Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daugher,
the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem.Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
metal
wood
stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this,men were afraid of her.Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians,One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition.Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas,when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas,once the princess touched them,they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached.He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told,though she turned red.
She felt something hard.She held it in her hand.And it did not melt!!!!
The king was overjoyed.Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and both lived happily ever after.
OUESTION: What was in the prince's pants?
M&M"s of course,
THEY MELT IN YOUR MOUTH,NOT IN YOUR HAND.
What were you thinking,you pervert??
Anneliese
Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daugher,
the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem.Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
metal
wood
stone,
anything she touched would melt.
Because of this,men were afraid of her.Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired.What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians,One wizard told the king,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,
she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition.Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas,when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas,once the princess touched them,they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached.He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told,though she turned red.
She felt something hard.She held it in her hand.And it did not melt!!!!
The king was overjoyed.Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and both lived happily ever after.
OUESTION: What was in the prince's pants?
M&M"s of course,
THEY MELT IN YOUR MOUTH,NOT IN YOUR HAND.
What were you thinking,you pervert??
Anneliese