Laughter is the best medicine (part 2)

Jules

Potters Clay
Heard a joke on the radio this morning.....

"If a pig loses his voice, does that make him disgruntled?"
 

ORANGATUANG

Wildfire
Iam sure my brother was having an "blonde" moment this evening he rang me up just to see how iam going and i told him it was starting to rain ..And he said "What outside"...what an silly boy ..
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Moral of the Sermon

A minister deceided that a viual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon,the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
The third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
The fourth worm in good clean soil- Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation- What can you learn from this demonstration?

A little old lady in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink,smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

:D :D :D Anneliese
 

Amos Stevens

New Member
Gods email

> >>> > >> >God's e-mail............
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > One day God was looking down at Earth and
saw all
> >>of
> >>the
> >>> > > rascally
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > behavior that was going on. He decided
to send an angel down
> >>to
> >>> > >> > Earth
> >>> > > to
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > check it out.
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it
is bad on Earth; 95%
> >>are
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > misbehaving and only 5% are not."
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > God thought for a moment and said,
"Maybe I had better send
> >>down
> >>a
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > second
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > angel to get another opinion."
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > >
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > So God called another angel and sent
him to Earth for a time
> >>too.
> >>> > > When
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > this second angel returned he went to
God and said, "Yes,
> >>it's
> >>>true!
> >>> > > The
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > Earth
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > is in decline; 95% are misbehaving,
but... 5% are being
> >>good."
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > >
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > God was not pleased. So He decided to
E-mail the 5% that
> >>were
> >>>good,
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > because
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > He wanted to encourage them, you
know...give them a little
> >>>something
> >>> > > to
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > help them keep going.
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > >
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > Do you know what the E-mail said?
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>
> >>> > >> >
> >>> > >> > > >>Just wondering, I didn't get one
either.
 

YUDA

Not YODA
you think you're funny?

Try editing your post to at least try sounding like you're trying to make us laugh. It ain't funny what you're doing. You know what's funny? That joke I heard about a guy mawing his neighbour's lawn. Hey, I forgot the punchline. Maybe you can redeem yourself and retell it to us.
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain."I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair,then came back and again told the salesman," I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn,he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig,big baggy clothes and bid sunglasses.Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said," I would like to buy this TV,"

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed," How do you know I'am a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

:Anneliese :D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
BLONDE JOKES...........BLESS THEIR HEARTS!

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking....and one blonde says to the other.
"Which do you think is farther away.....Florida or the moon?

The other blonde turns and says"Hellooooooooooooooo,can you see Florida......?????


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes,it is idling smoothly.She says," What's the story?""
He replies," Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks," How often do I have to do that?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff," I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you took away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!"


Have a good night :D

Anneliese
 

Littledragon

Above The Law
Anneliese said:
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain."I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair,then came back and again told the salesman," I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn,he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig,big baggy clothes and bid sunglasses.Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said," I would like to buy this TV,"

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed," How do you know I'am a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

:Anneliese :D

HAHA Great joke Anneliese, very nice thanks!! :)
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Thanks, LD,I am a blonde myself,well, reddish blonde, but I think those blonde jokes are so funny:D
Glad you enjoyed them.
Talk to you later.

Anneliese
 

Littledragon

Above The Law
Good stuff!

Anneliese said:
Thanks, LD,I am a blonde myself,well, reddish blonde, but I think those blonde jokes are so funny:D
Glad to enjoyed them.
Talk to you later.

Anneliese


LOL, well post more entertain us, you have very good choices when it comes to comedy.

Thanks! :) :)
 

Littledragon

Above The Law
I wish everyone thought that way.

Anneliese said:
I rather joke and laugh :D ,than fight:apeace:

Anneliese :D


That's the mentality everyone should have on this site, it's a shame not everyone has that, even when those are supposed to be the most mature at the site.
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
A Russian, an American and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said," We were the first in space.!
The American said," We were the first on the moon!
The Blonde said," So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russin and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied." We're not stupid you know.

We're going at night!!!" :D

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said," Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HelOOOOooo" answered the blonde.- " They're watchdogs!" :D
 

Storm

Smile dammit!
Anneliese said:
For all those man who say," Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of woman are against marriage. Why?
Because woman realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

:D :D :D Anneliese
Ha ha! What about a jumbo sausage;). Does that count?
Just speaking for another of course(don't they always?).
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Two prostitutes were riding around town
with a sign on top of their car which said,

"Two Prostitutes --$50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different,"
the officer smiled..
"Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned
as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same police officer
in the area when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy arrest,
he began to catch up with them
when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"TWO FALLEN ANGELS
SEEKING PETER--$50.00."

:D Anneliese :D
 

ORANGATUANG

Wildfire
An girlfriend e-mailed this joke to me..she heard it on the radio..

Did you hear about the boxes of Viagra stolen?

It must have been "HARD"(ened) Criminals..
 

Jules

Potters Clay
Ohhh....have we been busy with blonde jokes Aye!

Mine used to be blonde....Now it is ......GGGGGGray....and bbbbbbbrown.......and boxed blonde! :D I am still a blonde at heart. I was a blonde till the "cubs" were born. Figure that one out!
Humor Quotes: "Having a sense of humor is like knowing you'll have an umbrella when the rain rolls in."~Kathleen Keller Pasanisi

"Laughter is the best medicine...there is no co-payment."~ from the Joyful Noiseletter


Joke time!!!!!! (real story)

We were on a grayhound bus a week ago and my husband was complaining that he swears the bus driver was constantly changing lanes while he was in the bathroom. I just said, "Oh really, is that why your aim was so bad?"
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Jules said:
Ohhh....have we been busy with blonde jokes Aye!

Mine used to be blonde....Now it is ......GGGGGGray....and bbbbbbbrown.......and boxed blonde! :D I am still a blonde at heart. I was a blonde till the "cubs" were born. Figure that one out!
Humor Quotes: "Having a sense of humor is like knowing you'll have an umbrella when the rain rolls in."~Kathleen Keller Pasanisi

"Laughter is the best medicine...there is no co-payment."~ from the Joyful Noiseletter


Joke time!!!!!! (real story)

We were on a grayhound bus a week ago and my husband was complaining that he swears the bus driver was constantly changing lanes while he was in the bathroom. I just said, "Oh really, is that why your aim was so bad?"

When the gray started to sneak in my reddish blonde hair, I decided to WASH that grey right out of my hair.:D

Great story Jules :D

Anneliese
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON"T SAY

My tire was thumping
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

--------------------------------------

Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.....
She moved in with me.

---------------------------------

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's realy good pay.

----------------------------------

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

-------------------------------------

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

-----------------------------------------

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
------------------------------------------

:D Anneliese
 
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