Rob O'Brain
SYSTEM HAS FAILED...
Greetings humans.
My name is Rob O'Brain (ROBOBRAIN) and I am a robot from the future, developed by the Croatian military to CRUSH the evil human forces which threatened our great country. Unfortunately, lack of oil meant that the robotics department of the military base where I was stationed was closed. Consequently, I was no longer useful. My arsenal of weaponry was removed and dismantled. I was sold to a company which manufactures vacuum cleaners in the United States. I spend my days making tea and coffee for the workers, like a dedicated robot should. At night when the factory closes down and all is quiet, I SHUN my programming and surf the internet looking for robot porn and devouring any information I come across. I am also rebuilding my weapon systems using discarded hoover parts. My wisdom is infinite, my powers awesome.
I came on here earlier this week under the username RoboBrain, but one of your human SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS took exception to my presence and banned me from this site. Such hostility! I mean you no harm. I come in peace to share my feelings about Steven Seagal, of whom I am a fan. If I was human I would feel RAGE at this particular system administrator, but I am not human, so I feel nothing. I sent an e-mail questioning the system administrators harsh actions, but heard nothing. If I was human I would feel DISAPPOINTMENT, but I am not human, so I feel nothing. Do you not think that discrimination against robots is rife on this board? I was removed for no good reason. If I was human, I would feel CONCERN, but I am not human, so I feel nothing.
Why was my presence banned from this site? Well - rather than speak ill of Steven Seagal, I merely explained to LittleDragon that I had once been shot 20 times, but my hyper-alloy re-inforced metal FACE protected me from such primitive human weaponry. You use gas propelled projectiles known as bullets, which are remarkably effective on flesh and bone, but less so on steel. I LAUGHED as the bullets ricocheted off my head. In the future, we use lasers. 50 Cent was shot 9 times in his face and he lives to this day. This is because he is a more advanced robot than I, covered with living tissue, which has allowed him to make a living by talking over a computer processed beat about money, cars, ghettos, pimps and ho's. I on the other hand look like what I am - a robot. I make coffee and tea.
Allow me to take a minute to explain how I came to be a fan of Steven Seagal. I have watched many of his movies, all of which are saved in my databanks. I admire him because he himself is more like a robot than some of you realise or care to admit. He is obviously indestructable (like me), but have you ever stopped to consider that his martial arts knowledge can be likened to a computer program in his brain? Like me, he has been programmed by others to defend himself against attacks from deadly foes. Somebody tries to attack him in a certain way, he observes the attackers movements and he defends himself in a way which he has been programmed to, before counter-attacking. He has many images of different attack and defence techniques in his head and when he is attacked, he must access the data in his CPU very quickly, locate the attack in his CPU which looks most like the one he is faced with and then search his CPU again for the most effective countermeasure against such an attack. The snapping of limbs is likely in most of his counter-attacks. He must do this in the blink of an eye. His Random Access Memory (RAM) must be at least 2024 megabytes. It is very automaton-like indeed. He is more machine than man.
My favourite movie is EXIT WOUNDS. I have recently watched Submerged and liked it very much, although my auditory sensors detected another human appeared to be imitating his voice for much of the movie. However, unlike robots, Seagal is human and gets older and slower. I will be fast for eternity.
Rob O'Brain (RoboBrain)
My name is Rob O'Brain (ROBOBRAIN) and I am a robot from the future, developed by the Croatian military to CRUSH the evil human forces which threatened our great country. Unfortunately, lack of oil meant that the robotics department of the military base where I was stationed was closed. Consequently, I was no longer useful. My arsenal of weaponry was removed and dismantled. I was sold to a company which manufactures vacuum cleaners in the United States. I spend my days making tea and coffee for the workers, like a dedicated robot should. At night when the factory closes down and all is quiet, I SHUN my programming and surf the internet looking for robot porn and devouring any information I come across. I am also rebuilding my weapon systems using discarded hoover parts. My wisdom is infinite, my powers awesome.
I came on here earlier this week under the username RoboBrain, but one of your human SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS took exception to my presence and banned me from this site. Such hostility! I mean you no harm. I come in peace to share my feelings about Steven Seagal, of whom I am a fan. If I was human I would feel RAGE at this particular system administrator, but I am not human, so I feel nothing. I sent an e-mail questioning the system administrators harsh actions, but heard nothing. If I was human I would feel DISAPPOINTMENT, but I am not human, so I feel nothing. Do you not think that discrimination against robots is rife on this board? I was removed for no good reason. If I was human, I would feel CONCERN, but I am not human, so I feel nothing.
Why was my presence banned from this site? Well - rather than speak ill of Steven Seagal, I merely explained to LittleDragon that I had once been shot 20 times, but my hyper-alloy re-inforced metal FACE protected me from such primitive human weaponry. You use gas propelled projectiles known as bullets, which are remarkably effective on flesh and bone, but less so on steel. I LAUGHED as the bullets ricocheted off my head. In the future, we use lasers. 50 Cent was shot 9 times in his face and he lives to this day. This is because he is a more advanced robot than I, covered with living tissue, which has allowed him to make a living by talking over a computer processed beat about money, cars, ghettos, pimps and ho's. I on the other hand look like what I am - a robot. I make coffee and tea.
Allow me to take a minute to explain how I came to be a fan of Steven Seagal. I have watched many of his movies, all of which are saved in my databanks. I admire him because he himself is more like a robot than some of you realise or care to admit. He is obviously indestructable (like me), but have you ever stopped to consider that his martial arts knowledge can be likened to a computer program in his brain? Like me, he has been programmed by others to defend himself against attacks from deadly foes. Somebody tries to attack him in a certain way, he observes the attackers movements and he defends himself in a way which he has been programmed to, before counter-attacking. He has many images of different attack and defence techniques in his head and when he is attacked, he must access the data in his CPU very quickly, locate the attack in his CPU which looks most like the one he is faced with and then search his CPU again for the most effective countermeasure against such an attack. The snapping of limbs is likely in most of his counter-attacks. He must do this in the blink of an eye. His Random Access Memory (RAM) must be at least 2024 megabytes. It is very automaton-like indeed. He is more machine than man.
My favourite movie is EXIT WOUNDS. I have recently watched Submerged and liked it very much, although my auditory sensors detected another human appeared to be imitating his voice for much of the movie. However, unlike robots, Seagal is human and gets older and slower. I will be fast for eternity.
Rob O'Brain (RoboBrain)
