I have just bought the new issue of UK movie magazine Total Film. Apart from the scathing review of "Half Past Dead" they have also have an article on strange facts regarding Steven Seagal. Most of them you will have already heard most of them although one or two surprised me. You will note from the tone of the article that they are not his biggest fans, so here goes.
1* He was born on 10 April 1951 in Lansing, Michigan. His dad was a maths teacher, his mum a medicle technician.
2* According to legend, Seagal's first contact with martial arts was when he was a wee sprog, sitting with his dad at a football game. During half time, a tiny Asian man came out to enertain the crowds with his martial artistry. Mini-Steve was entranced and, having vowed to pursue the noble art of stoving people's heads in, enrolled at Fumio Demura's nearby Karate school aged seven.
3* So far, his martial artistry amounts to black belts in karate, aikido and kenjetsu and proficiency in judo, kali and kendo. That said as anybody who's seen "Exit Wounds" will know, these skills only appear to be applicable to parts of Seagal above the waist, below the neck and round about the fist area.
4* Seagal left the US for Japan aged 17. By 1974, he'd received his 1st Dan from Koichi Tohei. Seagal became the first non-Asian to open an aikido dojo in Japan. Its still turning a profit ,too..........
5* After a decade in Japan, he returned to LA where he set up another fight school to teach aikido to the rich and famous. Super agent Michael Ovitz, whose Creative Arts Agency more or less controlled Hollywood in the late 80's, soon enrolled in one of Seagal's classes. He was so impressed he asked Seagal to do a martial arts demo for Terry Semel, President of Warner Bros. Smelling a star in the making, Ovitz then financed Seagal's screen test for his first movie, "Above The Law".
6* And then there's the other version of this story. According to legend, Ovitz made a bet with a studio head that he could make any old schmoe a star. Ovitz picked Seagal. An oblivious Seagal accepted. The rest, is supposedly, history.
7* Ah, the mysterious singing career. Seagal's been threatening an album for years. But, despite Seagal talking his album up as sonic epic where "world music meets pop", his masterwork has yet to be released. So far, the crowning moment of his career is gurning out a guitar solo in front of 50,000 Koreans at some Michael Jackson child-benefit gig.
8* Given his 'cultered hard man' image, Seagal was always going to be a target for urine extraction. not that it bothers Steve: "People call me all kinds of things, including four- letter words. I respond to all of them. If I walk into a room, some people see a dog, some see a cow. I am all what they see. It is thir perception. But I do believe that Buddha-nature is in all of us, even in a mangy dog. That dog is Buddha to me. People can call me anything they want."
9* Which, funnily enough, is exactly what "Exit Wounds" co-star DMX did. "Steven Seagal is a ****ing ****head," spat the rapper when asked about working with the portly action star before adding "With ****ing spray- on hair".
10* No prizes for guessing how many Oscars Steven Seagal has won (there's a clue in the words "no prizes"). Still, there is one awards ceremony where he can claim success: The Golden Rasberries. So far, Seagal has been nominated nine times. His latest honour is Worst Actor nom for "Half Past Dead". His first - Worst Director for "On Deadly Ground" - earned him a statuette. Most direct custard pie? 'Seagal And His Guitar' were nommed for worst screen couple for "Fire Down Below". Be very afraid: Seagal co-wrote the theme tune....
11* From The Mouth Of Seagal #1: " I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than as a sex symbol."
12* When he's not lumbering around a movie set, Steven Seagal prefers to be known as 'Take Shigemichi'. This means 'pathway to prosperity'. It was 'borrowed' from his ex father-in-law.
13* Seagal's early film career was defined by three-word titles as formulaic as the films: "Hard To Kill", "Above The Law", "Marked For Death", "Out For Justice". Curiously, as his career's dipped, his movie titles have lost something too: namely, a word. To whit, a string of recent two-word wonders: "The Patriot", Exit Wounds" and "The Foreigner".
14* One woman who found his intense squint irresistable was Arrissa Wolf, nanny to his kids during his second marriage to Kelly LeBrock. The feeling was mutual and Seagal got her in the nest. Nine months later, a tiny Seagal appeared. Understandably LeBrock filed for divorce soon after.
15* There is, however, one member of Seagal's leaner, meaner two-word-movie recession that's been denied the light of day. Last year, Seagal started touting the idea of starring in America'a first martial arts musical, Blue Bayou, showcasing Seagal's singing talents alongside more familiar chop-socky. Are you scared yet?
16* Steven Seagal has developed a fetish for posing with oversized, faintly ridiculous corporate totems. Takes one to know one, etc....
17* In the space of 10 movies - from "Above The Law" to 1997's "Fire Down Below" - Seagal has muderlised a grand total of 187 bad guys (thats an average of, er, 18.7 kills a movie). Bloodiest movie? "Under Siege", where Seagal's macho chef sends 50 villains home in bodybags.
18* Minus his mighty fists and bullet-proof paunch, Seagal has another fave weapon: without exception, he can be seen waving around a Colt M1911 automatic pistol in his movies.
19* From The Mouth Of Seagal #2: "A lot of great lamas and gurus I know really enjoy my films."
20* Having secured his first gig as martial arts instructor on John Frankenheimer's 1982 flick "The Challenge", Seagal was hired to tutor Sean Connery for Bond remake "Never Say Never Again". To the delight of Uncle Sean, Seagal ended up breaking the stars wrist during a butter-fisted training session.
21* A life long follower of Buddhism, Seagal is a promponent of re-incarnation. There is some circumstantial evidence that Seagal may have already enjoyed an eventful past life. If you look at a US $100 bill, you can boggle your brains over the etching of Benjamin Franklin. The resemblance to a certain Seagal is quite uncanny and, therefore, absolutely ****ing terrifying.
22* From The mouth Of Seagal #3: "I've been lucky in the sense that I have been able to make enviromentally conscientious movies as well as politically conscientious movies. "Above The Law" was a politically conscientious movie. "On Deadly Ground was enviromentally conscientious. I want to keep making movies like that which are more geared with a certain entertainment value but also bring people forward into contemplation."
23* Seagal is something of a wine snob. His Santa Inez home has 200 acres of carbenet grapes which he contracts to a winery to distil. Seagal also has his own vintage named,er,Steven Seagal. He also appeared on a Celebrity Guide To Wine video in 1990, snivelling over fine plonk with a Spago maitre d'. Tips included how to serve wine, selecting the proper stemware and kicking the crap out of anyone stupid enough to call his plonk rubbish. Well, maybe not the last one.
24*Steven Seagal likes pandas. There's even a pic of him with one on his website: www,stevenseagal.com
25* In 1994, Seagal claimed that he'd been poisoned by an unknown adversary, resulting in damage to both his liver and kidneys, a condition worsened by "parasites and heavy metels in my blood". He later claimed to have been cured by a Brazillian spiritual healer.
26* Seagal's fondness for herbal remedies goes further than that. Having studied the art of acupuncture during a visit to Tibet, Seagal claimed that a pod of Tibetan lamas were lobbed in his general direction so he could treat them for malnutrition before setting them up in safe houses. Predictably his interest in alternative medicine has since taken a commercial turn: check out his health line at www.ritzy.com/ritzy/seagaloils.html, where a pensive Seagal can be seen hawking medicines such as The Seagal Power Meal: "The ultimate power-packed, energy -boosting body builder and fortifier. Enriched with mouth watering wolfberry and malt." Wolfwhat?
27* Soon after Lennox Lewis beat Mike Tyson to a pulp last year, Steven seagal threw down the gauntlet with the current World Heavyweight Champion. Pledging to wear gloves and comply with boxing rules (like, er, no kicking), Seagal reckoned his 7th Dan aikido-doing would reduce Lewis to a steaming flesh pile. Lewis has yet to respond to Seagal's kind offer.
28* In a case of life imitating art, Seagal has recently taken a reluctant starring role in a real life Mob conspiracy. In a scribbly mess of legalities and counter claims, the whole sorry affair kicked off when producer-cum-mucker in Julius R Nasso sued Seagal for dropping out of a four-movie deal. Seagal replied witha suit claiming he was bullied by the mob after he cut ties with Nasso. Nasso has since been arrested for federal charges of extortion and is currently on trial. Seagal was a key witness in the case , answering prosecutors questions about how Naso - a supposed associate of the Gambino clan - yanked thousands of Mob bound dollars out of Seagal.
29* Ever the enigma, Seagal has long hinted at shady CIA connections. "You can say that I lived in Asia for a long time and I became close to several CIA agents," Seagal has said. "And you could say that I became an advisor to several CIA agents and did special works and special favours..... These guys were my students. My CIA godfather told me he'd never heard any American speak Japanese so well. I would say I was a prime candidate to be recruited." Curiously, when pressed by chat tsar David Letterman about his undercover work, Seagal played coy and shrugged it off. Bound by some sort of official secrets act? Or just your regular Bull**** Bill? Only Steve knows....
30* Of course, all of this CIA kaboooey was started by Seagal himself. Promoting his first movie, "Above The Law", Seagal said: "I was lucky that I got to play me." In the movie Seagal plays a cop with a dark past as a former cIA agent. Cue a slew of puffed-up anecdotes involving Seagal working security for Archbishop Desmond Tutu and helping to dispose of the Shah Of Iran. Did someone say "chinny reckon"?
The one about the poisoning is a new one on me. Has anyone else heard this one.
Peace.
MMCK
1* He was born on 10 April 1951 in Lansing, Michigan. His dad was a maths teacher, his mum a medicle technician.
2* According to legend, Seagal's first contact with martial arts was when he was a wee sprog, sitting with his dad at a football game. During half time, a tiny Asian man came out to enertain the crowds with his martial artistry. Mini-Steve was entranced and, having vowed to pursue the noble art of stoving people's heads in, enrolled at Fumio Demura's nearby Karate school aged seven.
3* So far, his martial artistry amounts to black belts in karate, aikido and kenjetsu and proficiency in judo, kali and kendo. That said as anybody who's seen "Exit Wounds" will know, these skills only appear to be applicable to parts of Seagal above the waist, below the neck and round about the fist area.
4* Seagal left the US for Japan aged 17. By 1974, he'd received his 1st Dan from Koichi Tohei. Seagal became the first non-Asian to open an aikido dojo in Japan. Its still turning a profit ,too..........
5* After a decade in Japan, he returned to LA where he set up another fight school to teach aikido to the rich and famous. Super agent Michael Ovitz, whose Creative Arts Agency more or less controlled Hollywood in the late 80's, soon enrolled in one of Seagal's classes. He was so impressed he asked Seagal to do a martial arts demo for Terry Semel, President of Warner Bros. Smelling a star in the making, Ovitz then financed Seagal's screen test for his first movie, "Above The Law".
6* And then there's the other version of this story. According to legend, Ovitz made a bet with a studio head that he could make any old schmoe a star. Ovitz picked Seagal. An oblivious Seagal accepted. The rest, is supposedly, history.
7* Ah, the mysterious singing career. Seagal's been threatening an album for years. But, despite Seagal talking his album up as sonic epic where "world music meets pop", his masterwork has yet to be released. So far, the crowning moment of his career is gurning out a guitar solo in front of 50,000 Koreans at some Michael Jackson child-benefit gig.
8* Given his 'cultered hard man' image, Seagal was always going to be a target for urine extraction. not that it bothers Steve: "People call me all kinds of things, including four- letter words. I respond to all of them. If I walk into a room, some people see a dog, some see a cow. I am all what they see. It is thir perception. But I do believe that Buddha-nature is in all of us, even in a mangy dog. That dog is Buddha to me. People can call me anything they want."
9* Which, funnily enough, is exactly what "Exit Wounds" co-star DMX did. "Steven Seagal is a ****ing ****head," spat the rapper when asked about working with the portly action star before adding "With ****ing spray- on hair".
10* No prizes for guessing how many Oscars Steven Seagal has won (there's a clue in the words "no prizes"). Still, there is one awards ceremony where he can claim success: The Golden Rasberries. So far, Seagal has been nominated nine times. His latest honour is Worst Actor nom for "Half Past Dead". His first - Worst Director for "On Deadly Ground" - earned him a statuette. Most direct custard pie? 'Seagal And His Guitar' were nommed for worst screen couple for "Fire Down Below". Be very afraid: Seagal co-wrote the theme tune....
11* From The Mouth Of Seagal #1: " I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than as a sex symbol."
12* When he's not lumbering around a movie set, Steven Seagal prefers to be known as 'Take Shigemichi'. This means 'pathway to prosperity'. It was 'borrowed' from his ex father-in-law.
13* Seagal's early film career was defined by three-word titles as formulaic as the films: "Hard To Kill", "Above The Law", "Marked For Death", "Out For Justice". Curiously, as his career's dipped, his movie titles have lost something too: namely, a word. To whit, a string of recent two-word wonders: "The Patriot", Exit Wounds" and "The Foreigner".
14* One woman who found his intense squint irresistable was Arrissa Wolf, nanny to his kids during his second marriage to Kelly LeBrock. The feeling was mutual and Seagal got her in the nest. Nine months later, a tiny Seagal appeared. Understandably LeBrock filed for divorce soon after.
15* There is, however, one member of Seagal's leaner, meaner two-word-movie recession that's been denied the light of day. Last year, Seagal started touting the idea of starring in America'a first martial arts musical, Blue Bayou, showcasing Seagal's singing talents alongside more familiar chop-socky. Are you scared yet?
16* Steven Seagal has developed a fetish for posing with oversized, faintly ridiculous corporate totems. Takes one to know one, etc....
17* In the space of 10 movies - from "Above The Law" to 1997's "Fire Down Below" - Seagal has muderlised a grand total of 187 bad guys (thats an average of, er, 18.7 kills a movie). Bloodiest movie? "Under Siege", where Seagal's macho chef sends 50 villains home in bodybags.
18* Minus his mighty fists and bullet-proof paunch, Seagal has another fave weapon: without exception, he can be seen waving around a Colt M1911 automatic pistol in his movies.
19* From The Mouth Of Seagal #2: "A lot of great lamas and gurus I know really enjoy my films."
20* Having secured his first gig as martial arts instructor on John Frankenheimer's 1982 flick "The Challenge", Seagal was hired to tutor Sean Connery for Bond remake "Never Say Never Again". To the delight of Uncle Sean, Seagal ended up breaking the stars wrist during a butter-fisted training session.
21* A life long follower of Buddhism, Seagal is a promponent of re-incarnation. There is some circumstantial evidence that Seagal may have already enjoyed an eventful past life. If you look at a US $100 bill, you can boggle your brains over the etching of Benjamin Franklin. The resemblance to a certain Seagal is quite uncanny and, therefore, absolutely ****ing terrifying.
22* From The mouth Of Seagal #3: "I've been lucky in the sense that I have been able to make enviromentally conscientious movies as well as politically conscientious movies. "Above The Law" was a politically conscientious movie. "On Deadly Ground was enviromentally conscientious. I want to keep making movies like that which are more geared with a certain entertainment value but also bring people forward into contemplation."
23* Seagal is something of a wine snob. His Santa Inez home has 200 acres of carbenet grapes which he contracts to a winery to distil. Seagal also has his own vintage named,er,Steven Seagal. He also appeared on a Celebrity Guide To Wine video in 1990, snivelling over fine plonk with a Spago maitre d'. Tips included how to serve wine, selecting the proper stemware and kicking the crap out of anyone stupid enough to call his plonk rubbish. Well, maybe not the last one.
24*Steven Seagal likes pandas. There's even a pic of him with one on his website: www,stevenseagal.com
25* In 1994, Seagal claimed that he'd been poisoned by an unknown adversary, resulting in damage to both his liver and kidneys, a condition worsened by "parasites and heavy metels in my blood". He later claimed to have been cured by a Brazillian spiritual healer.
26* Seagal's fondness for herbal remedies goes further than that. Having studied the art of acupuncture during a visit to Tibet, Seagal claimed that a pod of Tibetan lamas were lobbed in his general direction so he could treat them for malnutrition before setting them up in safe houses. Predictably his interest in alternative medicine has since taken a commercial turn: check out his health line at www.ritzy.com/ritzy/seagaloils.html, where a pensive Seagal can be seen hawking medicines such as The Seagal Power Meal: "The ultimate power-packed, energy -boosting body builder and fortifier. Enriched with mouth watering wolfberry and malt." Wolfwhat?
27* Soon after Lennox Lewis beat Mike Tyson to a pulp last year, Steven seagal threw down the gauntlet with the current World Heavyweight Champion. Pledging to wear gloves and comply with boxing rules (like, er, no kicking), Seagal reckoned his 7th Dan aikido-doing would reduce Lewis to a steaming flesh pile. Lewis has yet to respond to Seagal's kind offer.
28* In a case of life imitating art, Seagal has recently taken a reluctant starring role in a real life Mob conspiracy. In a scribbly mess of legalities and counter claims, the whole sorry affair kicked off when producer-cum-mucker in Julius R Nasso sued Seagal for dropping out of a four-movie deal. Seagal replied witha suit claiming he was bullied by the mob after he cut ties with Nasso. Nasso has since been arrested for federal charges of extortion and is currently on trial. Seagal was a key witness in the case , answering prosecutors questions about how Naso - a supposed associate of the Gambino clan - yanked thousands of Mob bound dollars out of Seagal.
29* Ever the enigma, Seagal has long hinted at shady CIA connections. "You can say that I lived in Asia for a long time and I became close to several CIA agents," Seagal has said. "And you could say that I became an advisor to several CIA agents and did special works and special favours..... These guys were my students. My CIA godfather told me he'd never heard any American speak Japanese so well. I would say I was a prime candidate to be recruited." Curiously, when pressed by chat tsar David Letterman about his undercover work, Seagal played coy and shrugged it off. Bound by some sort of official secrets act? Or just your regular Bull**** Bill? Only Steve knows....
30* Of course, all of this CIA kaboooey was started by Seagal himself. Promoting his first movie, "Above The Law", Seagal said: "I was lucky that I got to play me." In the movie Seagal plays a cop with a dark past as a former cIA agent. Cue a slew of puffed-up anecdotes involving Seagal working security for Archbishop Desmond Tutu and helping to dispose of the Shah Of Iran. Did someone say "chinny reckon"?
The one about the poisoning is a new one on me. Has anyone else heard this one.
Peace.
MMCK
