ARRGGGHHH! (Just letting off some steam)

[TDWoj]

Sometimes I hate my job.

I just finished designing a brochure for one of my clients. Since I wasn't happy with the results from the last version, I took extra special care this time to make sure everything was just right.

Foiled, again.

We used a different printer last time. In that round of printing, the printer arbitrarily changed the colour of the ink. We didn't notice because the colour looked good.

I have a problem distinguishing between shades of colour, unless I have all the versions right in front of me. (Note to self: buy a Pantone swatch book, ASAP).

I used the colour from the previous design. On screen, it's sometimes hard to tell what the depth of the colour is until it's printed on paper.

I didn't see the colour on screen as being that different from the printed version.

It was.

I just did an onscreen comparison between the colour I thought I was using and the colour that was actually used. Turns out the colour I was using was exactly 50% of the colour that was used to print. Result: the new brochures came out "anemic" instead of bold.

None of us had any idea that the original printer (who has since gone out of business and the owner has literally vanished off the face of the earth) had changed the colour during the printing process.

This isn't really my fault, and it's not our current printer's fault, either. I suppose if anyone was to blame, it was the original printer. We're hunting down the paperwork now to see if he recorded the change in ink colour. If not, then the pressman was the one who mixed the wrong colour (resulting in the colour my client actually liked, but not the colour my client had actually chosen).

There's no one to blame, except maybe me because of my failure to catch the colour difference.

I hate it when stuff like this happens, because while it may not be my fault, it is my responsibility. I've offered to pay for reprinting the brochures - $600 is a lot of money, but I don't see what else I can do. My current printer is also willing to cover some of the cost himself, even though it wasn't his fault at all.

I knew things were going too well for me lately...

---------

...which was, I got the apartment downtown I wanted. I've been so excited about it - I went to see the apartment on Monday, and signed the paperwork right afterward. I'm really looking forward to moving - this neighbourhood really gets my spirits down, and I feel like it was well past time to move on.

I'm just worried that the big job I've been waiting for that was supposed to start this week and hasn't isn't going to start, and I won't get the advance which I absolutely need to cover the post-dated cheque I gave to the new place for April 30th.

I need to learn how to be calm, that's for sure!

 

[Disciple]

Great news on your new place, TD. Good luck to you.

 

[Serena]

Congratulations, TD--and everything else I said in my PMs to you.

 

[suziwong]

Cong TD !! Great !!

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks, everyone!

Yes, I'm really looking forward to the new apartment. I won't be able to buy much new stuff, though, so I'm deciding now what I really can't live without, and what I can live with for the time being.

I do want to buy some planters for the balcony.

I need to get a special heat reflective blind for the west-facing window.

And I'm going to treat myself to a new electric tea-kettle. Oh, and a gallon of good quality paint to paint the hallway, which is dark and unfriendly at the moment. In fact, at the moment, the whole apartment is dark and unfriendly because the previous occupant had painted the walls this horrible dark dusky rose colour that was popular in the 1980's, which made the place look even smaller and darker. She's promised to put a coat of primer on the walls before she goes.

I have to, unfortunately, pay rent in both of my apartments for the month of June, which is why I'm not moving until about June 12th. That'll give me time to paint in the new place, and get my old place clean so that with any luck I'll get my deposit back, and that'll alleviate some of the financial squeeze.

The new apartment is in a splendid location, right downtown, two blocks away from the St. Lawrence Market (where you can get farm-fresh food), walking distance to Harbourfront/CN Tower and the Hockey Hall of Fame, movie theatres, live production theatres, office supply stores (very necessary because I work at home mostly), the train station, a beautiful bicycle trail that goes from Cherry Street along the lakefront then up the Don River, a jazz club in The Distillery (Gooderham and Worts building where they film a lot of movies and tv shows), and is right where they filmed most of Exit Wounds, which, of course, is the best part of all!

-TD, bouncing up and down on her chair in anticipation

 

[Storm]

Whata sickener about the ink eh?Good to see that things are on the up for you besides that.Do you have to repay all that money?I'm sure if you could come to an arrangement with the client it'd help a lot.
You know i'm a decorator so a handy tip.If the hallway is dark and you want to brighten it up get some cheap emulsion,white if it's a light colour to kill the dark colour,say 2.5 litres if it's not a big hallway.Then get 2.5 litres of good stuff as a topcoat.Hey presto,you have the same finish for less money.Always use a poll to roller.Your centre of balance belongs on the ground where you are safe.It's much easier.You have to climb up to cut in with the brush but it's still a lot easier.
I used to get asked all the time about decorating tps by people.After a bit i realised i was doing myself out of work! Maybe i should charge eh?*wink*

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks for the tip, Storm! The current occupant promises to paint white primer over the horrible pink, so I can paint it myself any colour I choose once I get in there. I was thinking a nice light yellow to catch the light coming in from the living room window. The hallway's a kind of L-shape - you walk in the front door, then two steps to a left turn which takes you into the living/dining room. Yellow, and a mirror on the long wall, I think, should do it (with a little narrow table on which to dump my keys and mail when I come in the door).

I should get a feng shui book, and see if that'll have any ideas about furniture placement.

Your cheque is in the mail.

 

[Trinity]

TD enjoy your new apt!I know I did mine!

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks, Trinity!

All is not smiles and sunshine, alas - I just found out the time I have to do the big contract has been shortened from five weeks to two, which means I don't get the lion's share of the work, which means I only make $5000 instead of $10-13K, which means I'm screwed as far as having any money to live on before, during and after I move.

I knew things were going too well. I get one good thing happen to me, and many bad things always follow, as if the kharma gods want to make sure I never, ever have it easy.

 

[Trinity]

Thanks, Trinity!

All is not smiles and sunshine, alas - I just found out the time I have to do the big contract has been shortened from five weeks to two, which means I don't get the lion's share of the work, which means I only make $5000 instead of $10-13K, which means I'm screwed as far as having any money to live on before, during and after I move.

I knew things were going too well. I get one good thing happen to me, and many bad things always follow, as if the kharma gods want to make sure I never, ever have it easy.

I hear hear ya!Sometimes I fell like Al Bundy!LOL I get jittery when things go good because Iget a bunch of irratating stuff right after!I'll light a calming candle for you and worry not if you are like me,things always work out no matter how difficult it was to get there.Big Hugs

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks, Trinity! I need a calming candle right about now...

I think I'm just cranky because I've been on the go since the wee hours, having to make a two-hour trip up to my accountant's office (amazingly, we live in the same city!) to get my taxes sorted (owe money, no surprise there, but not as much as I expected, so I guess that goes into the "good" column, sort of!), and then came home to have to deal with a project that just won't die (the client is uber-picky, and believes anything can be done if you just tweak it enough). Every time I sat down to draw breath and try to relax and get my head together, the damned phone would ring and I'd have another two or three things to tweak. ARRRGGGHHH!

Need that calming candle, desperately....

-TD, frazzled and just wanting a few minutes to pull herself together so she can concentrate on what she's doing and not make stupid mistakes

 

[Trinity]

Consider it done!

 

[Lotussan]

Great News TD, no wonder you've been scarce around here...

 

[Amos Stevens]

Congrats on your new place TD! FINALLY HUH

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks, Amos (and Lotussan, too).

Six weeks to moving day... if the wait won't kill me, waiting until the last minute to pack will!

Oh, and I'm going to be very scarce for the next little while around here as I have four jobs that have landed on me all at once, which will relieve the financial issues somewhat, and allow me to at least buy a new electric kettle for the new place... I'll be stopping in to update the Steven's Location and Steven's Upcoming Movies threads, for sure.

And maybe by the end of May I'll have enough to buy Steven's CD (although looking at the titles it's all sappy love songs, not blues. Me, not a big fan of sappy love songs, no matter who sings 'em. But collector that I am, well....)

 

[Mama San]

Good to hear that things are working out for you, TD!!
Set up your computer first so you can stay in touch!!!
God bless,
Mama san

 

[TDWoj]

Thanks, Mama san! It'll be a while yet before I'm in the new digs. June 12th is moving day, and for sure the computer will be the first thing hooked up and running! I just have to figure out where it's going to go... new apartment, new configuration, maybe even a new desk! (eventually).

By the way, very good to see YOU back with us! Did they put in a gadget to keep your ticker ticking better? How are you feeling, overall?

 

[Mama San]

Not yet, TD!!
Friday is the day. I have to be there at 1:00 pm.
I'm truly not looking forward to it. But it has to
be done.
I'll be posting again as soon as I can after Friday.
I appreciate all of your prayers and good wishes.
God bless,
Mama san

 

[TDWoj]

I know I'm going to get pissed on for being negative and looking for sympathy and being a whiny cry-baby (thanks for pointing that out, Leon) and all of that, but since this my "letting off steam" thread, no one has to read what follows - but I do have to write it.

The last month has been pretty interesting. I got the good news about the apartment, and I'm really looking forward to living in the new place. It's as if a new era in my life is about to begin, and yes, I'm terrified something is going to go terribly wrong before I get there. It's not like things haven't happened that way before - they have, all too often.

But there is one thing that has had me somewhat anxious, and it's not something I can talk about with the person who is most closely concerned with it, so I'm just going to put my thoughts down here, and walk away from it.

My mother died when I was very young - only seven years old. Her birthday and mine are only two days apart. The month has just turned to May, and I am now exactly the age she was when she died, on the anniversary date of her death.

I guess the worries over Mama san's heart condition have had me a little freaked, for it was from a heart condition that my mother died, at such a young age - she was only 46 years old.

She had many problems that probably contributed to her early death. She was a heavy smoker, an alcoholic, and from my dim memory of her and her behaviour, possibly manic-depressive as well. In every photograph I have of her she is smiling, but the smile is one of inexpressible sadness, too. When my father brought her to Canada - they were married here, not in Poland - he cut her off from all of her friends and family. The only people they made friends with here were a German couple (from the border between Poland and Germany, so they spoke Polish as well), the husband of which my father found out one day had been an SS man, and then that relationship was terminated as well (my father having spent 5 years in concentration camp, SS men were not people he wanted to associate with). My mother had no one except my father; she never learned to speak English well enough to make friends outside of the community, and in Orillia, there was no one except my father she could talk to at all.

We had just moved to Orillia, in February of 1965. The first time she went to the hospital, the hospital sent her home, saying there was nothing wrong with her. At that time, and even to this day, it's often difficult to convince doctors that a woman might have a heart condition. The symptoms are not the same as they are for men, and so are easily missed.

The second time she went to the hospital, she never came home.

At that time, they did not allow children to visit, so when my father went in to see her, I was left alone in the waiting room.

Suddenly, I knew I had to go. I flew up out of the chair and pelted up the corridor. I had no idea where her room was, but I found it - a moment too late. She had just died. I remember my father sitting next to her, his head in his hands.

The next few days are a bit blurry in my memory. I remember my father taking me to the funeral home to pick out the casket. Since he couldn't get time off work to look after me in the days between her death and the funeral, and since there was no one else around, he dropped me off at the funeral home and left me there, in the viewing room with my mother in her casket, picking me up after his work day was done.

I remember taking her hand and wondering why it was so stiff and cold. I remember getting up on the kneeler - I was a little squirt and the casket was set very high - and leaning in to look at her.

I remember the funeral service in the church, and I remember her burial, with my mother's name spelled out in flowers on the mound of dirt. Because my father was broke, he couldn't afford to buy a headstone at the time, and three years later, when we came back to the cemetery, he couldn't remember where she had been buried, but I did - I made a beeline to the spot, and found the marker - with only the word "Mother" engraved on it - as if a string had pulled me towards it.

My father remarried in December of that same year - after, amazingly, discovering members of his family were living here in Canada, and who had long believed he'd been killed in WWII. The woman he married was the hairdresser who lived across the hall from us in Orillia, who also, incidentally, dressed my deceased mother's hair.

She turned out to be an alcoholic, as well.

I remember almost nothing of my life after that - I have photographs that I look at and I can't remember anything about them. My father and stepmother would tell me things and I'd have to take their word for it, because I couldn't remember. The things I do remember are pretty awful, and the things I don't remember have left such big empty holes in my memory there are times I wonder if I am who I am or if I'm a construct of left-over pieces of someone else's life.

I've suffered from clinical depression. I've stood the precipice of suicide at least twice, and I was a "cutter" long before it became popularized in teen-aged angst tv shows.

I don't think about this stuff very often any more, but certain things bring them back.

Last night I had a terrible time getting to sleep. My heart was racing, and at one point, I know I stopped breathing, because I have sleep apnea, a result of being in generally poor physical condition.

The only way I could calm down enough to get through last night was to imagine myself helping someone else, which I did, and which relaxed me enough to be able to fall asleep gently, without panicking.

I've been dreading this day for a long time, but I've never spoken to anyone about it because I was afraid of being mocked. I've done my best not to think about it, but events have conspired to bring all of this up to the surface. Which may not necessarily be a bad thing; if something's in the dark that's scaring you, best to bring out into the light, and then it becomes less scary.

So, mock me, if you will; call me negative, tell me what a terrible person I am, that I'm a sympathy-seeking whiny-crybaby. There is nothing you can say that is as terrible as this paralysing fear I've had in the months leading up to today.

I'm going to delete this post in a couple of hours. I just needed to write it, to get it out of my system, let the fear out of the dark and into the light of day so that it'll dissolve.

 

[Trinity]

Nothing wrong with that!I hope all gets better for you TD!!!Big Hugs