www.discshop.se
I translated as good as I could. This is a review from the swedish site www.discshop.se.
Robert
Seagal isn’t approving with time, if I may be a bit kind in my statement.
According to almighty IMDB our hero, Steven Seagal is Sweden’s King’s favourite actor. This info brings a cold chill across my spine. It says a whole lot about Rex Carl 16:th Gustaf. Thank God his Majesty hasn’t any power. What if he could rule, as he wanted? Maybe then our Swedish Theatre stage could turn into a dojo and have Seagal as Master Sensei. Hurray! Watch Persbrant (respected Swedish actor) fly through the air and land face down. Jiihaa! And Ingmar Bergman makes a Katadori Yonkyo on Kim Anderzon (Swedish actress). Or NOT!
With or without our king’s approval, Seagal keeps getting bigger and making movies like there where no tomorrow. Today I will write about “Black Dawn” and this isn’t Seagal’s worst effort. “Belly of the Beast” was worse, a little bit worse. When I commented on “Belly of the Beast” I had already lost hope that Seagal could ever surprise me with a decent action flick again. From “BOTB” he has continued to make crappy movies and I promised myself to never ever comment on his new movies again. But in this case I have to make an exception. Our movie guide has a purpose and that is to inform our readers about good movies. “Black Dawn” isn’t a good movie, therefore I hope after you have read this; you will buy/rent some other movie.
Steven Seagal is now 55 years old. He’s a vegetarian they say (?) and have 7th degree black belt in Aikido. I also practise Aikido, so do my son and I have for years also practised Jujitsu. Therefore I know that with regular training and healthy food you don’t ad 120 extra pounds on your waistline. Steven seems to have done this anyway??? He tries to hide it away with tailored suits, close footage and stunt doubles that has no resemblance to him what so ever. I suspect Steven found salad to be boring and made his way to Los Angeles finest Taco Bell and Al’s International Beer House.
The budget was about 15 million American dollars. I believe Seagal took half and the rest was spent on used cars, catering, an editor from Xerox-Hell and a big conference table for all 9 producers to sit by and discuss if John Candy is a good body-double for Seagal, even if he died years ago. Some money went in Alexander Gruszynski pocket, a polish gentleman who probably got 13 $ and a bag of peanuts for this directing job.
As the movie started the director mixed an aggressive pace of text and music and a murder. Then he lost interest and like Seagal, he left his job to another guy, probably the light assistant. This can explain the lack of direction and the dullness of the picture. What did this light assistant do then? Following crappy things.
1. When villain #1 fires her gun, she hits anything, but when guard #1 fire his automatic gun he misses everything within the range of 10 metres, not even the cars or trees. In the background, people walks by like noting happens. Funny stuff!
2. It’s good to have computers. There’s a mouse on the desk, but no one uses it. DOS still rules. Even if someone uses Photoshop or "Picture Manipulation Program", no one uses the mouse. This totally cracked me up.
3. The Tjetjenic terrorist talks bad American among each other. Why? Jesus!
4. For this to be a real Seagal-movie, his voice hizz out every word. It’s like Donald Duck on helium. ‘That's what I'm talking about’ is funny if Bernie Mac says it, not when Steven say it in his low-tone between a big Mac and a carrot soup.
5. Green/blue screen is the new thing, (?) let’s use it and they do in the middle and towards the end. Let me put it like this: If a Teletubbie walks nude in to a sauna at a day-care centre and sings the text from some old commercial over and over again in a high pitch voice. I rather listen to this fantasy character then hearing Steven talk. It’s so bad your stomach turns.
6. The edit-job is also under all critics. Without even looking I found 5 bad cuts in one scene. It’s hilarious when Tamara walks into a room where a couple copulates. In the next cut the copulating woman has underwear, she fights a bit and then run naked out of the room. The script supervisor was also at lunch.
Seriously, Steven should retire. He must have all the squirrelskin he needs and he only makes a fool of himself, playing super hero. The alternative is for him to do parody of himself, then maybe I’ll can forgive him for his latest bad movies. Nothing, I repeat, nothing good can be said about “Black Dawn”. The only thing that could make people watch this movie is if they’re a hard-core Seagal fan or if one likes to watch badly made movies for some bizarre sexual reason, like some sort of punishment.
Average picture and sound. The extras on the disc, is nothing special and the music is way off. Maybe if someone fried the composers in peanut butter and gave them a tambourine for Christmas, then maybe…
I will never recommend Black Dawn, ever.
Janne Ahlgren,
www.dischop.se