Seagal Haiku

[GlimmerMan]

I found these on the FUAD website. Some funnies, but I'm sure Amos will edit them.

You ****ing with me?
If you want me to hurt you,
Believe me, I will.

I know he did it.
Evidence? **** evidence.
His fat ass is mine.

My partners all die
In ambush, by trickery.
And I fight alone.

Insert the pool cue
Into the left eye socket.
That'll shut him up.

I know what you think.
You think you're above the law.
You're not above mine.

Take over this ship?
That's just not gonna happen.
I'm taking you down.

I don't like to fight.
I don't like hurting,
but for you, I will!

You fall to your knees.
I rip out your wet windpipe.
Say "*** you and die!"

I chop off your hand
With your own damn machete.
How do you like that?

You can try to run
From my raised Colt forty-five.
You won't get that far.

My career has sunk.
I am not getting too old.
I can still come back!

The villain was thrown.
He lands with a dull crunching.
I turn to the next.

Few things in my life
Are as complex as the dance
I have when I fight.

I move in circles.
The blows flow past my body.
I cannot be harmed.

The aikido gift
Is a lifetime of hard toil.
My work is unseen.

If "The Art of Peace"
Is to succeed in the world
I must kick some ass.

I break a few arms.
I dislocate a shoulder.
Just another day.

Crooks are going down
You can take that to the bank
While I bang my nurse.

I think these are awesome! Feel free to add your own! For the uneducated amongst you, the basic rules of writing a Haiku poem is that it is three lines long, the first and third lines contain 5 syllables and the second line contains 7. Haiku poetry does not have to rhyme.

GMan

 

[GlimmerMan]

I made up the following...

When I kick his ass
Nobody can defeat me
Inside the kitchen

 

[GlimmerMan]

Her pert pink titties
Popped out of the birthday cake
Shut the music off!

 

[GlimmerMan]

Hope there weren't triplets
As I looked down the lift shaft
At the lifeless corpse.

 

[GlimmerMan]

We are all very talkative tonight.

 

[Amos Stevens]

I'm just reading Glimmerman..sorry but I dozed thru english class & ain't trying Haiku

 

[GlimmerMan]

It's really quite easy, Amos. You just think of something amusing to do with Seagal, which is loosely connected with one of his movies or the fact that he is rock hard and then write it down. You must ensure that the first line consists of 5 syllables, the second of 7 and the third of 5.

I made this one up in about 20 seconds:

If you mess with me
I'll break yer ****in arm off
And beat you with it

I made this one up thinking about the end of 'Above The Law':

Your truth drugs won't work
I'll escape from my bindings
And kill you stone dead

It's quite satisfying. I mean, come on! This could be one of the most popular threads ever with a bit of thought. I am going to make up Seagal Haiku's all day.

GMan (poet laureate)

 

[Lonewolf]

some of the lyrics made me think of scarface!
the like of Tony Montana talking!!!!

 

[Glimmer Man]

Temporarily banned? The one and only GMan??? How can this be? Please reconsider, mods. This place is nothing without his madness! We should start a petition to get him re-instated! He promises not to swear if you let him back in!!! I am a, uh, good friend of his. As you can see, I've been a member since, well... for a long, long time, but have never gotten involved, so this is my first post! I like to think of myself as a watcher, like in the Highlander movies. I particularly like this Haiku thread. GMan is such a funny dude! I will post one in his honour!

I fear no mortal
Knives and guns make me chortle
I will never die!

Glimmer Man (back from the edge where you're not worth a damn)

 

[GlimmerMan]

Ahhhh!

It feels good to be back. I feel somewhat chastened, having been banned for, er, well, nothing at all actually. It has made me feel weak. I worked out in the gym three times harder to make up for my bad behaviour! I felt like Superman must have felt after Lex Luther put the kryptonite rock (which, for some reason, was shaped like a pineapple) around his neck in the first Superman film. Me, banned?! How can this be?! And after all the things I've done for this place too (see the smilie list for an example!). The gratitude (or lack of it) is nothing short of disgraceful. But, back I am, and am here to stay. I see that my Haiku thread has proved to be very popular (as usual), so I have created another poem, for your amusement:

I fear no mortal
At guns and knives I chortle
I will never die!

Take care, y'all! Well - most of you, anyway. I'll be back later.

Glimmer Man (I know, I know, I know you got a Jonestown Mind)

 

[Littledragon]

Ahhhh!

It feels good to be back. I feel somewhat chastened, having been banned for, er, well, nothing at all actually. It has made me feel weak. I worked out in the gym three times harder to make up for my bad behaviour! I felt like Superman must have felt after Lex Luther put the kryptonite rock (which, for some reason, was shaped like a pineapple) around his neck in the first Superman film. Me, banned?! How can this be?! And after all the things I've done for this place too (see the smilie list for an example!). The gratitude (or lack of it) is nothing short of disgraceful. But, back I am, and am here to stay. I see that my Haiku thread has proved to be very popular (as usual), so I have created another poem, for your amusement:

I fear no mortal
At guns and knives I chortle
I will never die!

Take care, y'all! Well - most of you, anyway. I'll be back later.

Glimmer Man (I know, I know, I know you got a Jonestown Mind)

Welcome back Glimmer!!!! I almost got banned to, for posting!

 

[KimonoSoul]

I'm no good at Haiku. I'm much better at dirty limericks. Could I do that maybe?

 

[GlimmerMan]

Welcome back Glimmer!!!! I almost got banned to, for posting!

Hey dude! I missed ya! What's up?! You only nearly got banned for posting huh? You were luckier than me then. My judgement has been permanently coloured with regards to some people. And you know what - it got me thinking today - do you think it's scientifically possible to create a colour that is darker than black? I don't believe it is. Thanks for your advice with regards to... well... the 'other' Glimmer Man. Hahaha! Saved me from a much longer hiatus, I reckon. You know what I'm talking about dude. PM me anyway - you wanted Path Beyond Thought didn't you? I reckon I might have just the thing for you. Cheers.

I'm no good at Haiku. I'm much better at dirty limericks. Could I do that maybe?

Of course you can! Post away, my droogie! Just be careful you don't get banned - they are pretty sensitive here.

Take it easy.

GlimmerMan (Choking on his Coca Cola)

 

[Amos Stevens]

Welcome back Glimmerman

 

[Littledragon]

Hey dude! I missed ya! What's up?! You only nearly got banned for posting huh? You were luckier than me then. My judgement has been permanently coloured with regards to some people. And you know what - it got me thinking today - do you think it's scientifically possible to create a colour that is darker than black? I don't believe it is. Thanks for your advice with regards to... well... the 'other' Glimmer Man. Hahaha! Saved me from a much longer hiatus, I reckon. You know what I'm talking about dude. PM me anyway - you wanted Path Beyond Thought didn't you? I reckon I might have just the thing for you. Cheers.


Of course you can! Post away, my droogie! Just be careful you don't get banned - they are pretty sensitive here.

Take it easy.

GlimmerMan (Choking on his Coca Cola)

LOL Glimmer, no problem. Just trying to help a friend out, I didn't want to see you go or else this place would be really boring. I am glad you are back buddy.

And ye I still have never seen The Path Beyond Thought.

 

[KimonoSoul]

Awww....Glimmer.....you gave me a nickname! That's sweet...really....OK...here goes...

There once was a man named Seagal
Who was handsome and incredibly tall.
With one swift attack
He'll give your back a crack
And to the floor you will fall.

That's kind of lame...but since I can't really do dirty limericks....

Oh yeah....what's a droogie? Did you make that up for me?

 

[GlimmerMan]

Kimono - that rocks! The handsome and incredibly tall bit is a bit mushy for my taste, but it's cool. I particularly the rhyming of the words attack, back and crack! 8½/10 for you. Very nice.

Droogie means friend. See 'A Clockwork Orange' for details.

GMan

 

[KimonoSoul]

Kimono - that rocks! The handsome and incredibly tall bit is a bit mushy for my taste, but it's cool. I particularly the rhyming of the words attack, back and crack! 8½/10 for you. Very nice.

Droogie means friend. See 'A Clockwork Orange' for details.

GMan

Thanks man!!

I was 20 and drunk on margaritas the last time I saw "A Clockwork Orange."
I'll have to watch it again sober!!!

 

[Serena]

I've never done anything like this in my life.
I'm the least creative person I know, no matter what a few kind friends say.
But this is the way I see the site lately. :indiffere

If Steven came here
to visit this site of ours
He would not be thrilled.

 

[GlimmerMan]

Serena... that is just... magical! Hahaha! I am impressed. It's just so... melancholy. I feel a lump in my throat just reading it. Melancholy and the infinite sadness indeed! Here is my contribution, keeping up with spirit of your one:

Rogue mods run amok
They edit all that I've got
I get very cross

I know it doesn't rhyme, exactly, but that's the beauty of Haiku! Hehehe!

GMan

 

[GlimmerMan]

Here is another one:

I have something here
That will totally clear up
That bruise on your head

It's real simple, peeps. Don't be shy! With a bit of luck, this thread could be popular!

GMan

 

[Serena]

Serena... that is just... magical! Hahaha! I am impressed. It's just so... melancholy. I feel a lump in my throat just reading it. Melancholy and the infinite sadness indeed! Here is my contribution, keeping up with spirit of your one:

Rogue mods run amok
They edit all that I've got
I get very cross

I know it doesn't rhyme, exactly, but that's the beauty of Haiku! Hehehe!

GMan

I still can't tell if you're kidding with me or not.
Well, I mean I know it didn't put a lump in your throat.
But if you think it was a decent first attempt, I may try it again. :indiffere

And great job on the mod one. And I like the one about the bruise!
I'd like to pass out a few of those myself. :smad:

BTW--Have I ever thanked you for the outstanding job you did on these smilies?
I just wouldn't be me without them.