UK Fans -: Total Films "Half Past Dead" Slating!

MMCK2

New Member
I've just bought the new issue of Total Film and see it is one of the few film magazines to even bother reviewing "Half Past Dead". Don't get too excited though, the review of it and Seagal in particular is scathing. You can read it below.

"Steven Seagal must be wondering what went wrong. Dodging sexual harassment allegations, embarrassed by rumours of Mafia extortion and plummeting pony-tail first into straight-to-video oblivion, the stone faced hard man isn't exactly at the top of his game. No wonder he's stopped treating his body like a temple and started munching on a few Double Whoppers. This is a man in need of some serious comfort eating.

Since swapping his black belt for an elasticated waistband, Seagal's been trying to keep his street cred with hip-hop flavoured movies like "Exit Wounds" and "The Glimmer Man". So, in "Half Past Dead", sleepy eyed rapper Ja Rule gets to play sidekick to Seagal's undercover FBI agent, the pair taking on a band of terrorists who've invaded the newly reopened Alcatraz prison.

Cannibalising everything from "The Rock" to "Die Hard" to - in a strange case of auto-chomping- the "Under Siege" movies, this is as lazy as Seagal is lardy. After piecing together the by-the-numbers plot, novice helmer Don Michael Paul spends his spare time playing silly buggers with the visuals (ooh, look at the smoke and blue lights!) and tinkering with the soundtrack, mixing hardcore rap with bursts of rock guitar to keep everyone happy.

As action movies go, this is positively geriatric. Seagal looks out of breath simply from turning up and the majority of the action sequences are left to his body double. In fact the only time your pulse is likely to speed is when villainess Nia Peeples unveils her Posh Spice impersonation. Seagal's next movie is called "Out For A Kill". Perhaps he should just stay Out For Lunch.

VERDICT -: The Marlon Brando of action-movie stars, Seagal proves-once again- that his career should have ended with his timely death in "Executive Decision". Please, no more.

* out of ***** Unwatchable."

If I did'nt no them any better I'd say they have issues with Seagal, what do you think? Answers on a postcard please.

Peace.
 
Now there's a surprise!More Seagal bashing!No doubt all the bad reviews & Seagal- bashing will only urge him to make even more movies:DNow that's ironic.
 

GlimmerMan

Huge Member
Hahaha... not only that, but did you see the article - '30 Things You Never Knew About Seagal' in the same issue of Total Film? I read it and nearly ate the ****ing magazine in temper... right in the middle of WHSmiths!
 

MMCK2

New Member
Lotussan

I've just posted the 30 facts about Steven Seagal from Total Fim magazine over in the General Section.

Peace.

MMCK
 

MMCK2

New Member
GLIMMER

I know the feeling, I felt like setting fire to their workplace! What gets me about the twats in the media who mercilessly criticise him is that they are always digging up unproven rumours about what a jerk he is and real life and how he beat up his wife and bullies co-stars, yet the same journalists will brush over similar accusations about other more popular stars like Eastwood, McQueen & Lancaster etc and not hold it against them. Now I happen to like the above stars I mentioned but to give an example read Patrick McGilligans unauthorised biography "Clint -: The Man And The Legend" and read about how he forced Sondra Locke to have 2 abortions, how he treated his Malpaso staff like **** and turned his back on long time friends.

Clint is probably my favourite actor but I can still see that its possible that he's as big a jerk as Seagal is supposed to be, the only difference is the Eastwood accusations are not dug up as often.

Peace.
 

Lotussan

I Belong To Steven
MMCK2,
Are you saying you think he is a jerk in real life? It's possible that he is a lot of the time, I don't know either way, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt...You know, if you play a tough guy like Clint or Steven does maybe you develop that attitude along the way a bit, just a thought...I think he's charming, that's all I know...
 

MMCK2

New Member
Lotussan

I'm not suggesting that I think he is a jerk, what I said was that the Clint biography pursuades you that he is as big a jerk as Seagal is SUPPOSSED to be. I am just using this statement to underline the fact that nobody can prove Seagal did all the things he has been accused of. I think its possible he's guilty of some of them as there is no smoke without fire but I do tend to think he is someone in the public eye who people will always give a raw deal to and twist and exaggerate any rumours or accusations thrown his way.

I like the guy and he is my favourite of all the modern day action heroes so, no, I do not personally think he is a scumbag.

Just reflecting the media's biased opinion of him.

Peace.
 

Disciple

come get some
I know exactly what you mean, man. It's like these media types ignore it when the same thing happens to some other maybe more popular stars who they don't have a grudge against, but zero in on it as soon as it happens to Steve. Your Clint/Seagal example is one of the best examples (I too am a huge Clint fan, and I liked his movies loooong before I even saw a Seagal movie). Seagal has a liking for the ladies as most red-blooded men would have. But he's painted out to be this sleazy lothario type, while Clint has this air of "respectability" despite having more than his fair share of affairs/divorces. It's a double standard.

The only conclusion I can come to is that a lot of these media types don't like Steven because he doesn't always play their shmoozy kiss-kiss Hollywood games, which pisses them off. Steven is a very quiet, thoughtful, almost introverted man. If you see him in interviews (e.g. on the Jay Leno Tonight Show) he doesn't always respond in the same way as the other smiley/grinning actors. Steven also doesn't always like to do what others tell him to do, and rightly so. I think all of these factors mean that oversensitive Hollywood people get pissed off at him and thus start making up random crap.

Steven's also a much easier target for cheap laughs now that he's put on significant weight, and even from before when he would talk about his spirituality (that most people can't make sense of, or don't care about) and would walk around in such unusual clothes like the Chinese coats. The fat jokes are the worst. I automatically lose respect for any reviewer that stoops to making a crack about Steve's weight... Really, it's a sign of bad journalism more than anything, that they've got nothing else to talk about except below the belt jibes that any 14 year old could come up with. Sad.
 

Lotussan

I Belong To Steven
LOL, thanks MMCK2, and Disciple, you are both right! I think he's a great guy, and I like him just as he is....:) Seems like the media is just trying to push his buttons, and that's sad! He won't play their shallow games because he is bored with all that crap...I can appreciate his quietness...I am extremely quiet myself until I get to know someone, or my general surroundings...I adore Steven, his depth comes through always...From what I see he's a really wonderful man, with a compassionate heart, not to mention talent and a quick mind...:D
 

MMCK2

New Member
Originally posted by Disciple
I know exactly what you mean, man. It's like these media types ignore it when the same thing happens to some other maybe more popular stars who they don't have a grudge against, but zero in on it as soon as it happens to Steve. Your Clint/Seagal example is one of the best examples (I too am a huge Clint fan, and I liked his movies loooong before I even saw a Seagal movie). Seagal has a liking for the ladies as most red-blooded men would have. But he's painted out to be this sleazy lothario type, while Clint has this air of "respectability" despite having more than his fair share of affairs/divorces. It's a double standard.

The only conclusion I can come to is that a lot of these media types don't like Steven because he doesn't always play their shmoozy kiss-kiss Hollywood games, which pisses them off. Steven is a very quiet, thoughtful, almost introverted man. If you see him in interviews (e.g. on the Jay Leno Tonight Show) he doesn't always respond in the same way as the other smiley/grinning actors. Steven also doesn't always like to do what others tell him to do, and rightly so. I think all of these factors mean that oversensitive Hollywood people get pissed off at him and thus start making up random crap.

Steven's also a much easier target for cheap laughs now that he's put on significant weight, and even from before when he would talk about his spirituality (that most people can't make sense of, or don't care about) and would walk around in such unusual clothes like the Chinese coats. The fat jokes are the worst. I automatically lose respect for any reviewer that stoops to making a crack about Steve's weight... Really, it's a sign of bad journalism more than anything, that they've got nothing else to talk about except below the belt jibes that any 14 year old could come up with. Sad.

Good post Disciple.

You seem to understand what I'm saying and your right, that is one thing I do admire about Seagal and one of the reasons he is unique not only among fellow action stars but in Hollywood in general, is that he refuses to play the publicity game and them in the media cannot stand that. He is an individual who on the surface does not seem to care what people think of him and doesn't really respond with any kind of vitriol which would fuel their gossip column/TV shows. I too have noticed that he is a quite man of the Charles Bronson variety, who is strong from within and feels no need to be a showboat.

I don't want to paint him as a total saint, as I said before, he could well have done some of the things the media have accused him of but it just highlights the sort of high school type journalism the media resorts to when they are pissed off with someone who does'nt rise to their bait. Jibes about his minimilistic acting are one thing but the constent critisism of his weight etc are not very fair and highlight how much he gets to them. Even Marlon Brando does not receive as much stick about his pretty large girth.

They only show one side of his nature and do not even comment on his extensive charity work on behalf of sick children and the like and how he is a long time fighter for the cause of ethical treatment of animals etc. Biased or what?

He is probably the most unfairly treated star in the media that I can think of.

Also thanks for the comments Lotussan.

Peace

MMCK
 

Disciple

come get some
The criticism of his acting is another thing that gets to me. And I'm not just saying this because I'm a Seagal fan. But the fact is, Seagal is not nearly as terrible an actor as some critics would have you believe. Seagal may not have the range of a DeNiro or whoever, but what he does he does VERY well. He doesn't look like some guy just out of acting school who doesn't have a clue what he's doing, or some daytime soap opera reject. He's intense and believable in the roles that he does.

He also has undoubtable charisma, another thing that critics try to deny. Seagal has the kind of charisma that when he walks into a room, all eyes turn to him. The same kind of charisma that Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, Robert Mitchum, Sly Stallone, etcetc all had.
 

Lotussan

I Belong To Steven
Charisma, oh yeah, baby that he has...He just draws you in his direction :D The reporters are drawn to him too, they can't resist talking about him...They wish they had such a powerful persona, I think they are threatened by him, and very jealous...So he's got some meat on his bones, who cares! I like him as he is, a big good looking, hunk...;) :D ;) I love every single ounce of him...The fat jokes are really low down and sick in my opinion...
 

cookie

New Member
This months Empire magazine says about HPD;

"Fans of Steven Seagal will be awaiting their hero's latest adventure with keen aniticpation. With it's strong production values, slick styling, hip supporting cast and furiously choreographed violence, this is rather more than they - or, indeed Seagal himself - might of expected at this stage of his video-friendly career.

What they will find is disappointing, however, is how incapable the portly sensei is of taking any part in the action. Seagal couldn't muster enough of his once awesome aikido skills to crush a grape these days, let alone tackle a thoroughbred bad guy as sleek and menacing as Morris Chestnut, whose plan to take over a hi-tech prision in pursuit of buried tresure forms what passes for a plot.

In the one fight scene Seagal does have (filmed from the neck up) he looks like Oliver Hardy playing an energetic game of pat-a-cake.

It gave it 2 stars.. :D
 

Mama San

Administrator
Hmmmm!! I have no idea what this "person" was watching
but it wasn't the HPD that I saw!!!
Maybe he/she was wearing blinders and sun glasses!
God bless,
Mama san
 

Lotussan

I Belong To Steven
"Seagal couldn't muster enough of his once awesome aikido skills to crush a grape these days, let alone tackle a thoroughbred bad guy as sleek and menacing as Morris Chestnut"

I bet Morris wouldn't want to find out what Steven could really do to him...:eek: Let that reporter get in Sensei's face and see how confident he feels then...I dunno, but I think he would have to eat his comments...
 

kokoro

Protector
people seem to forget aikido gets better the longer you practice it, he may not be as fit, but just as effective!

These reporters can't seem to distinguish between "movie Aikido" and dojo/street Aikido. Dweebs!!!
:eek:

Why do movies have to be so analysed now? what happened to good old entertainment value. I've found all his movies (the one's I've seen) entertaining, and look forward to more!!;)
 

tora

Funmaker
As I'm reading all this crap about him my eyebrows keep jumping up and down.Soon they'll get boring to everybody with their old spoiled songs.They really stink!
 
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