Very negative review on "Out of Reach" You must read it

[Vern]

Yeah, but in my defense though...

Hi everybody, my name is Vern and I am the jerk/moron/fat mouth/idiot etc. who wrote the review in question. I just wanted to defend myself and clarify a few things about the movie.

First of all, I am a huge Steven Seagal fan. This goes for both the good ones and the bad ones. In my opinion (and I'm sure in many of yours after you see it) Out Of Reach is one of the worst movies Seagal has made in terms of writing, production values, acting, and action. I'm sure some of the catering was pretty good but other than that most aspects of this picture are not up to par with other Seagal films, even including Out For a Kill.

I don't care, I still enjoyed the hell out of the movie, and that is why I recommended it in the review. This movie is pretty hilarious. It really should be "Steven Seagal is... PEN PAL." That's what it's about. It's priceless.

It's true, I did review Belly of the Beast for the Ain't It Cool News. I think that was a much better movie and I am a fan of the director Ching Tsu-Tung. That was a very unique Seagal film because of its crazy style and supernatural elements. It almost reminds me of those great movies Van Damme did with Tsui Hark, although not quite as surreal.

My favorite Seagal pictures are all of them that came before Glimmer Man. If I had to choose, my favorites would be Hard to Kill ("I'll take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank.") and Out For Justice (that great freeze frame through the broken windshield on the opening credits). I also love On Deadly Ground, which I also reviewed for the Ain't It Cool News when it played the Olympia Film Festival. That movie is corny as hell but I also think he is completely sincere about the politics and that's one reason why I love it. It is a brave movie for an action star to make. It reminds me alot of Billy Jack. I wish he'd make more of those overtly political action movies.

I can understand why some of you hated my review. You don't like to hear anything bad about Seagal ever, so that's fine. But to me it is better to be honest. Especially when the truth is as plain to see as it is here. The truth is that he is making some horrible movies right now. I bet he would be the first to admit it. He would like to be making better movies, like Under Siege 3. But I will keep watching them either way, because they are always enjoyable. Even The Foreigner, kind of. (I like The Patriot more than most people here, I guess. Despite there being almost no action and it having nothing to do with the book it's supposedly based on.)

Anyway I wanted to clarify a couple things about Out of Reach:

I didn't think the action scenes were well done. He's moving pretty slow. The action was much better in Belly of the Beast, even though it had obvious doubles. I mean for crying out loud they slo mo him doing a somersault. It's like he's not even trying. The sword fight is nothing spectacular but I am a sucker for this type of samurai duel so I liked that part.

Ponytail: no, he does not sport the ponytail in this one.

Wig: I did not literally mean he has a wig, just that it looks like one. I think actually he has implants or something. He has that freaky looking widow's peak now. I like it. Again, it fits the samurai theme.

Dubbing: yes, there is some very obvious dubbing on this one. However the screener I saw said it was going to be remastered (the print quality is very bad) and was definitely framed wrong (I noticed boom mics in at least 5 or 6 scenes) so it's possible that it is an unfinished version. If not, you guys will be laughing as hard as I was. In either case, it is very unusual for a screener to be a low quality version of the movie. I've never seen that before. It is kind of lame for Tri-Star to do that to him. They obviously don't give a rat's balls about him so be mad at them, not me.

But somebody said he had other people dubbing his lines in a lot of his recent movies - is that true? I've seen pretty much all of them but I didn't notice before. Could someone tell me which ones he is dubbed in so I can be on the lookout for it?

Anyway, thanks, sorry, etc.

your friend
Vern
Seagalogist

 

[Reservoir Dog]

Well Vern, I enjoy many of your reviews on aint it cool. The only thing that bothered me with this review was the title. "Your most important review ever". I go to the site to check for reviews on all kinds of movies, and honestly, I had no idea this was about a Steven Seagal movie. I thought you had seen a great film at Cannes or something, and were reporting on that. But when I open it, i find it to be about out of reach. the problem i had with your review wasnt your opinions, frankly, the film will probably be incoherent and less action packed, if you as a fan admit it was. But I just didnt like your approach to reviewing the film in the sarcastic manner it was written in. I am not insulting you personally, I just think in the future you might take a different approach to your review, instead of always using the fat jokes and sarcasm.
I am not offended by the review, mind you, but I know many Seagal fans are. Keep in mind that although Seagal may not have the large follwing he once had, he still has a large enough fan base to warrant both the mountain dew commercial and the upcoming comedy. (by the way, i thought the commercial was a great self parody, you should have reviewed that!!) Be aware, this isn't his final film, so dont criticise him just for positive responses on the aintitcool board.

 

[katw_03]

Vern

First welcome to the board! I am not mad at you,
now that you have explained to us why you said
those things! I will always love all of his movies,
some better than others. Thank you for explaining
your comments about the film! Again, welcome
to the SSRF.....hugs, kat

 

[katw_03]

I agree with Res...

Well Vern, I enjoy many of your reviews on aint it cool. The only thing that bothered me with this review was the title. "Your most important review ever". I go to the site to check for reviews on all kinds of movies, and honestly, I had no idea this was about a Steven Seagal movie. I thought you had seen a great film at Cannes or something, and were reporting on that. But when I open it, i find it to be about out of reach. the problem i had with your review wasnt your opinions, frankly, the film will probably be incoherent and less action packed, if you as a fan admit it was. But I just didnt like your approach to reviewing the film in the sarcastic manner it was written in. I am not insulting you personally, I just think in the future you might take a different approach to your review, instead of always using the fat jokes and sarcasm.
I am not offended by the review, mind you, but I know many Seagal fans are. Keep in mind that although Seagal may not have the large follwing he once had, he still has a large enough fan base to warrant both the mountain dew commercial and the upcoming comedy. (by the way, i thought the commercial was a great self parody, you should have reviewed that!!) Be aware, this isn't his final film, so dont criticise him just for positive responses on the aintitcool board.

PLEASE, in the future don't use fat jokes....I think he is quite sexy
just the way he is! katrina

 

[Serena]

Welcome to the board, Vern. Hope you'll stick around for more than just clarifying your review. We look forward to more posts from you in the future.

As one of our most famous sayings around here goes, "Everyone's entitled to their opinion."

Enjoy!

 

[suziwong]

Hi Vern,

When I read your reviews about Steven Seagal Films I get angry at you.
So welcome to the Steven Seagal Unofficial Site and I very glad to know you.

Sincerely

 

[Amos Stevens]

Welcome Vern to the group-you have already learned quick on how easily words can be taken incorrectly around here

 

[Reservoir Dog]

Vern has some good reviews on "Half Past Dead", "On Deadly Ground" and many others. This guy is a Steven Seagal fan, we probably shouldnt have given him a hard time for stating his opinion. I was just over at his website and he has reviews on all sort of movies, including Seagal. Im very glad he has replied to our responses on his review. Keep up the good reviews buddy, I especially like the one on Donnie Darko with the Seagal reference!!

 

[ZenLateralus]

Well, I guess that settles it then, eh?

 

[yudansha]

I didn't get a laught out of the review, but I got a laugh out of this whole thread.

I wouldn’t say that it is a bad review as reviews go … remember, that you really cannot judge until you actually see the film. I also don’t think any shots were taken at Steven Seagal himself, saying that he did a bad job and that’s why the movie went bad. The review was not well written due to the style of writing, but I got the point that the same attention was paid to it as was done to Belly of the Beast with a director who’s more capable than Oblowitz. It seems that Steven Seagal is using his own combat style in this one, which is perhaps good news. So, we shouldn’t expect any phony performances … and what some don’t get is that to an untrained eye, a rather complicated combination of manoeuvres may go unnoticed but ends up being very effective. So, although that the choreography might seem unimpressive doesn’t mean that it is. The thing about it I don’t get is that most of this so called ‘review’ was a description of the plot with a very brief mention of what could have been improved. The guy probably likes story telling, but he ain’t a very good critic.

“On the positive side, they don't have any car chases or CGI effects”

I rather enjoy these … it adds to the movie experience as that’s what movies are about. It’s fiction … otherwise it’d be a documentary.

The thing that these ‘reviewers’ seem to forget is that it’s a straight to video film and was intended to be one when it was filmed … so what’s the point comparing it to Steven Seagal’s original classics that amazed the world?

 

[yudansha]

At this moment, I'm only about a third done ...

Keep in mind that I’m not defending nor trying to attack anybody with this post please, but “So this person should keep there mouth shut ... can speak when it has got some thing clever to say.” ??? So, Heather in your opinion people should only open their mouth if they have a high IQ and have something brilliant to say? Are you nuts? What is the point of studying History do you know? It’s so we learn from ‘our’ mistakes. That’s where the critics come in to try and guide the person or a team in a direction that would prove being more successful.

It seems from the review that the movie was done in a way such that to save money … i.e. yet another dubbing for Seagal.

“the patriot was terrible, and he bounced back”

Do you know what you’re talking about Res.Dog? If you didn’t like ‘The Patriot’ that’s a thing of taste and like/dislike stuff … but where did ‘he’ bounce back to? … To ‘The Foreigner?’ … and more films with higher budgets and of lower quality?

“Rather than call the guy names, how about putting forward some reasoned arguments against the points he makes?”

Richie!!! Well said my man! The only problem is that we really can’t talk back as I don’t think most here have even seen the trailer for ‘OOR’ never mind the actual movie.

 

[yudansha]

I'm doing this in parts to test a psych theory..so you're not afraid of a big post.

I don’t think that this guy was “swaying” anybody any way either, at the end, Vern said he still highly recommends the movie … strange, seeing as how he slammed it.

Also, you compare Steven Seagal to yourself (i.e. ‘so what if his hair falls out … mine’s too’ … something like that … and ‘he’s just human’ … now that one really kills me). Steven Seagal is in the public’s eye and to stay there must maintain his appearance however he deems does the trick. When he gained wait, he didn’t go to nude beaches for a stroll but rather tried to avoid contact … that’s probably why you had hard time tracking him around the world through his ‘vacationing.’ These days people are more and more judged by appearances and first impressions made by those appearances … gotta love those blondes

As Vern said, “[he is] a huge Steven Seagal fan” … and you never know, he might mean it literally … maybe even trying to compare himself to SS. Lol

If the movie is really made the way TF or OFAK or BOTB was, I would not find it laughable at all, rather I feel kind of embarrassed for SS for having to appear in something that is below his standards. Steven Seagal is better than that … much better. It’s kind of like ‘being at the wrong place at the wrong time’ I think. You’ve read my issues with regards to BOTB … the MOVIE … NOT issues with Steven Seagal, so let’s not go there.

 

[yudansha]

And for the grand finale...please read all my other posts on this thread before this

I guess if you find this movie ‘laughable,’ you’ll be well prepared for his comedy.

Oh LOL … but the funniest thing of this thread is this last page (5th at the moment) where you all, all of a sudden turned your heads, faced the other way, and turned the other cheek to Vern “the buddy”. … what a group … welcome Vern. Enjoy! … and be ready for more surprises from this bunch. It took me longer to read and write for this one thread than it usually takes me to go over the whole forum … so please have some respect.

This is the most popular thread I’ve seen so far, and by far … so many responses in less than a day … stirred up a lot of action … and now it’s finally ‘settled.’

 

[Reservoir Dog]

What are you even talking about yudansha?

Did you have something to say there, or did u just want to see how many posts you could get before you ran out of something to say? Your a little late for the discussion my friend, no need to put down people on this board.. which you did multiple times.

 

[Vern]

The only thing that bothered me with this review was the title. "Your most important review ever".

I didn't write that title, Moriarty did. But I don't have a problem with it personally. I think calling a lesser straight to video Steven Seagal movie "the most important ever" is funny. It made me laugh.

I don't remember any fat jokes in this one, but I accept the criticism. I know I've made some cheap shots before but in this case I really was trying to defend him by saying he wasn't much fatter than the guy who plays Lone Wolf and Cub. There are definitely fat dudes who make good action heroes, including Sammo Hung. The problem is Seagal just doesn't move as good as he used to, and alot of times he seems tired and out of breath. I thought his size in Belly of the Beast worked for him though, he looked pretty intimidating.

I do think it is legitimate to mention his looks in a review. He is after all a recognizable movie star and nobody is going to watch the movie without noticing that he looks different. And just wait til you see him running through the woods in this one, you might also think he looks like Bigfoot wearing a bad Dracula wig. I think it is a pretty good description actually but your mileage may vary or whatever.

It's the same as with Marlon Brando. You can't watch Marlon Brandon in a movie now without noting that he has turned into a fat old crazy guy. But I think he's a genius. I like fat old crazy guy Marlon Brando.

Anyway, thanks for being so nice to me after I showed my face.

--Vern

 

[yudansha]

I wasn't putting down anybody ... and if you fell, please get up ... or stand up.

Too late for a discussion? This was just started today Res.Dog. ... and you better read from post #70 before making any harsh replies. I spaced my reply so that you don't get one huge thing that takes up twice your screen size. And if you've got something intelligent to say, then say it, otherwise ... don't.

 

[Reservoir Dog]

I don't consider myself a hypocrite, although some might. I still don't like your review on this film. I think you have written some good ones, funny ones, abotu Seagal films. I never personally insulted you, I just didn't think your review was one of your better ones.

Im not criticising you, your writing style, or your attacks on Seagal (if you call them attacks, you are simply pointing out what we all know. Seagal needs to lose weight). If that makes me a hypocrite fine, but i havent changed my position on anything.

 

[Reservoir Dog]

Do you know what you’re talking about Res.Dog? If you didn’t like ‘The Patriot’ that’s a thing of taste and like/dislike stuff … but where did ‘he’ bounce back to? … To ‘The Foreigner?’ … and more films with higher budgets and of lower quality?

If thats not an attack, I dont know what is. I do know what I am talking about, that movie is terrible. If it went to theatres, it wouldnt even made back half it's budget. He did bounce back, what was that movie with Seagal that went number one? Oh yea, exit wounds. Was exit wounds before or after this crap? After. I call that bouncing back, from going direct to video to number one film in the country. I dont know why you said that, because either way, my opinion is this

"Steven Seagal is a great entertainer. Maybe not the best actor, but he never accused himself of this. His martial arts were and probably are still some of the best in the world. He needs to lose weight to appeal to a broader audience, i have said this. I dont like the fact he uses stunt doubles, and I dont like his enviromental pictures, except "Fire Down Below"

For me, even he doesnt lose weight, I will always continue to think of him as a great action legend. I would like to see him go to theatres, do his own fighting, and have a proserpous end to his career. thats something we all can agree on, even if we cant on anything else.

 

[cookie]

Well I liked Vern's review (and welcome Vern, strap yourself in for a bumpy ride ;-)) because Vern is a fan and would appear to be, an honest one.

No review (of any film) would ever put me of watching it, as I think you should always see it for yourself and make up your own mind.

This film might be great, it might be crap but each of us will watch and take what we want from it.

 

[Reservoir Dog]

It's a shame my 300th post had to be used for those attempts to defend myself from ridiculous insults and accusations . This is the last time i post anything like this review here again. I knew it would come back to haunt me.