Did the unthinkable (my Aikido journey)

[ad_adrian]

i cant beleive people hav said no to being your partner....

fair enough if its a no because they already have a partner
but some of your stories is making me think your dojo isnt....up to standards...the fact that people continue to hurt you after you have already slapped the matt,
people actually said no to being free practice...thats stuff that should not be going on in any aikido dojo
but unfortunately it does

 

[TDWoj]

I don't want to get a reputation for being a whiner (so I come here and whine instead! sorry! ) or a fink, so I've been keeping mum about some of the guys who have been unnecessarily rough. I should have mentioned, though, to balance the other incident, that on one occasion, when one of the guys did get unnecessarily rough and I squeaked (because my other hand was trapped and I couldn't get it out to slap the mat), the instructor happened to be right there and saw it. He stopped the practice and gave a stern lecture on dealing with partners with physical limitations - and he used me as uke to demonstrate! - and about respecting those partners who had them. It was a very subdued class after that.

Some of the junior students (recently ranked 6th kyu after the minimum number of practice days) don't want to work with me because they don't get anything out of it. They can't be rough with me, or do techniques as fast as they want, so it's no fun for them.

I've still got one more class before the free-practice sign-up deadline to ask for a practice partner. Sometimes I get lucky and go to free practice and there are lots of people there, some of whom don't mind working with me. The ones who don't mind working with me are among the best students there, and I really get a lot out of practicing with them. And one occasion, I DID have someone who wanted to practice with me because I was a lot shorter than he was, and he found that he'd forgotten how to adjust himself to a shorter partner. So sometimes I am a useful uke - but usually to the most senior of the senior students!

Right now there are more junior students than there are seniors, and those are the guys that don't want to work with me.

 

[Aikilove]

Hang in there TD - It will be worth it...

/J

 

[Lonewolf]

i think the kicking on the left or on the right is not at all
important!
Bill Wallace was the fastest kicker of his decade,yet he only kicked with one leg and had only three kicks to his arsenal!
Side,hook and round kicks!
He went undefeated for all his career!his left leg was clocked at 110 Km an hour!!!!!!!!!!
The fastest leg in Karate!
it's no use knowing 1000 techniques loosely,it's better to know a few bsic kicks which can really score!!!!
My two cents!

 

[TDWoj]

Well, since there aren't any kicks in aikido.... I guess I'll have to make sure I always fall down on my left side! (Of course, the instructors won't let me get away with that....)

 

[Aikilove]

lonewolf, what are you talking about. I mean it's all very interesting and all, but what does it have to do with what we are talking about? Or have I missed something?

/J

 

[TDWoj]

Stayed for the double class last night, on what had to be the hottest, most humid day we've had so far. That, on top of a migraine which during the day had me dizzy and nauseous, almost convinced me not to go. Then it started raining - just a drizzle, enough to make it worse, so I did go, but didn't take my bike.

Ukemi coming out of a throw continues to be a problem.

In the second class we were working on dynamic movements. In basics class, you work on the techniques from pretty much a static position. Here we were working on the same techniques in a continuous flow, from attack to completion. It was really amazingly difficult, because if you've only the techniques a couple of times, you still have to stop and think about what you're doing, which, in this class, you weren't allowed to do.

I, of course, had to do them fairly slowly.

One thing we did, though, was iriminage, Steven Seagal-style. All I can say is, ow. Good thing I can do ushiro yoko kaiten (the only ukemi I can do tolerably well). Saved me from getting a broken tailbone.

We also did randori, 4 attackers, ryotetori tenchinage. One of the senior students while waiting for her turn told me afterwards she thought I had the best stance out of all the nage. I was always in good han mi, I had good posture, I was absolutely centred and those guys had nowhere to go except where I wanted them to go.

The gap between my being able to techniques tolerably well and being able to do ukemi (not at all) is getting wider, and I am not sure how I am going to fix the problem.

 

[TDWoj]

Had another one of those schizophrenic classes where I'm good at some things and not good at others.

I did find out today, however, the real reason I can't do ukemi. Finally, someone brave enough to tell me the truth.

I have the wrong body shape for it.

If I continue to lose weight I might - might, mind you - be able to do ukemi after four or five years more of practice, but the fact is, I simply do not have the right body type. I can't bend low enough to the ground; my hips are too large and heavy; my shoulders are too narrow and not strong enough; my right arm is too weak. I can try doing ukemi from now until Gabriel blows his horn and I will just continue to injure myself, wreck my shoulders and possibly break a rib.

Body movement isn't something that's learned, it's something that's IN you. Most people have very easy bodies to move with; they have something that allows their bodies to translate lessons into body memory and their bodies respond easily. I don't have that facility. My body doesn't know what to do. It thinks it's doing it right, but it isn't. It doesn't have memory. It can't translate what the eyes see and the brain understands into certain kinds of movement.

On the other hand, a black belt I hadn't worked with before said to me today he was amazed at how well I did the techniques - more amazed after he found out I'd only been doing this since January - but he was quite frank about my physical limitations vis-a-vis ukemi.

Finally, someone willing to tell me the truth instead of encouraging me in false hopes. Or maybe the others thought I just needed more practice (how much more practice does one require, after six months, and still not able to do a simple forward roll?)

Now, of course, I face a dilemma. Knowing that I'll never be able to do ukemi, should I continue taking aikido? I enjoy it (except for not being able to do ukemi); I like the people there. It is good for my health. But I'll be doing it forever, and never get a rank.

Decisions, decisions.

 

[Aikilove]

Body movement isn't something that's learned, it's something that's IN you. Most people have very easy bodies to move with; they have something that allows their bodies to translate lessons into body memory and their bodies respond easily. I don't have that facility. My body doesn't know what to do. It thinks it's doing it right, but it isn't. It doesn't have memory. It can't translate what the eyes see and the brain understands into certain kinds of movement.

Now this is a load of hogwash! You have to learn to swim don't you? You have to learn to walk don't you? You have to learn to ride a bike don't you? It's all body movements! Your body learns to coordinate mind-feet-hands and center of gravity into a particular movement that makes you ride that bike. Same with aikido, only it's that much harder! Here we are not satisfied with ok, or workable. Here we are never satisfied! We always keep polish our body movements.

And regarding bodyshape vs. ukemi. Yes of course it's different for different bodyshapes (so are the rest of the techniques btw!) but I have seen every imaginary body shape you could think of perform forward rolls and backward rolls. Did it take long time for some of them? You bet your tuchous it did! But they all get there (if they endured that is )!

/J

 

[Aikilove]

Body movement isn't something that's learned, it's something that's IN you. Most people have very easy bodies to move with; they have something that allows their bodies to translate lessons into body memory and their bodies respond easily. I don't have that facility. My body doesn't know what to do. It thinks it's doing it right, but it isn't. It doesn't have memory. It can't translate what the eyes see and the brain understands into certain kinds of movement.

Now this is a load of hogwash! You have to learn to swim don't you? You have to learn to walk don't you? You have to learn to ride a bike don't you? It's all body movements! Your body learns to coordinate mind-feet-hands and center of gravity into a particular movement that makes you ride that bike. Same with aikido, only it's that much harder! Here we are not satisfied with ok, or workable. Here we are never satisfied! We always keep polish our body movements.

And regarding bodyshape vs. ukemi. Yes of course it's different for different bodyshapes (so are the rest of the techniques btw!) but I have seen every imaginary body shape you could think of perform forward rolls and backward rolls. Did it take long time for some of them? You bet your tuchous it did! But they all get there (if they endured that is )!

/J

 

[TDWoj]

If you could feel what I'm feeling in my shoulders right at the moment... ow.

The fact is, every time I do ukemi, it's as if I'm doing it for the first time - no matter how many times I practice it. I might do it nearly right once - and the very next time I try EXACTLY the same move, I do it completely wrong. I can't tell the difference between when I do it right and when I do it wrong. I simply do not remember - either conciously or unconciously - what I did to achieve the movement the one time I did it right.

Six months of practice and I STILL cannot do forward ukemi from a throw. And the way I'm falling on my shoulders, I'm heading for a separated shoulder at the very least, broken ribs at worst. The fact is, if you do techniques properly you don't get hurt. When you don't... well.

Right now my shoulders are absolutely aching, and are stiff beyond belief (stiffer than usual, and that's saying something). I'm not even sure I'll be able to make it to class tonight, they are so stiff and painful. I don't know if I have the stamina to keep at this for four or five years on the off chance I MIGHT learn how to do ukemi in that time. That's what I'm trying to decide right now. And it's not making me happy.

 

[Aikilove]

Maybe you should try to take one or two step back instead of trying to force a step up.
Take it down on one knee down and one up. Go to the position of set in "ready-set-go" in the start block. So that you have, say, left knee and hand down, right foot down lined up with the left hand forming a triangle with left knee. Now right hands side of little fingrer towards mat and fingers pointing towards left knee. Up in "set" position, tucking you head looking towards that left knee.
Go! Push forward so that you are about to fall over and let your right arm continuously (from hand all the way up and last shoulder) touching the mat. Either do it by letting your right knee touch the mat or with more speed without that knee touching the mat.
In this way let most of your weight be resting over your left hand and your feet and knees. So that you don't have to rest it over your right arm too much. Still make sure that your right shoulder never touches the mat without first rolling over your whole right arm. (otherwise pain will start appearing when your shoulder crashes into the mat!) In fact since you this way have the chance to control the hight from the floor, try to do it almost without any direct shoulder-mat contact.
They major issue (so that you might recognize it and try to correct it) are:
* Your (right in this case) arm are not extended and so collapse into a "L"-shape instead of "C"-shape - making the contact points (hand-elbow-shoulder) appear static and hard. There shouldn't be a finite amount of contact points. It should go continuously from hand through arm over shoulder and cross the back.
Solution:
* Start slow and from lowest possible position that feel most comfortable. Train there alot and then try a couple of standing ones and afterwards feel how it felt different from the lower ones. Try to fix the details. Have someone (anyone with some years under their belt and with ok ukemi observe your standing rolls and have them comment on mistakes or corrections that you yourself can't feel or realize.
Try not to think too much about previous falls. Be in your present fall and relax your shoulders (lower them... force them down if necessary). Breath out when you roll.

 

[TDWoj]

But that's exactly what I do... (sez TD glumly). I have asked someone to help me out whenever we do ukemi practice in class - she spots me as I do my ukemi, and we work on each element; I do precisely as you have described; and each time I do myself damage. It's not natural - at least, not for me, which is why I'm having so much trouble with it.

I have no idea how to correct any of the problems I'm having, because there are so many of them.

 

[Amos Stevens]

Take one problem on at a time TD

 

[TDWoj]

I'm feeling a bit depressed this evening. Went to my class, and didn't really enjoy it much - it might have been the heat, I don't know.

We did some ukemi practice. My shoulders were hurting like crazy, so I was reluctant even to try to get any practice in. I decided to back up a bit and take forward rolls from the "baby" position, that is, both knees on the mat. Didn't even attempt back rolls - what's the point, I can't get my butt over my head anyway.

My shoulders stopped aching by the time I got to the end of class; but the last technique we did was a throw into a forward roll. I didn't even bother trying to do the roll; I didn't want to damage my shoulders more than they already were.

I just got an enthusiastic e-mail from a former student at the dojo. How can I tell her I've mostly decided to quit after Saturday's class?

I think I would go on if I thought there was any hope of my ever being able to do ukemi; but the black belt was right. I have the wrong body shape for it. Six months since I started, and I still can't do a simple forward roll. I hate admitting I've failed. I tried my best; but my body just isn't the right kind of body for aikido - or for any other kind of martial art. I have to face up to the inevitable - this is just another one of those things that I'm half good at, and will never get any better at, no matter how hard I practice. I hate that when it happens. It always happens to the things I like doing best.

I hate failing. I think that's my biggest problem of all. I hate failing.

 

[Aikilove]

You havn't failed anything TD. It's really ok not to want to continue, so you shouldn't feel too bad about it. You tried it and it, you feelt the benefits of it but it didn't work out for you. That's life. Noone is going to think less of you for it.
Still if I may come with a suggestion.
Don't train for a week or two. At all. Empty yourself of aikido. Let your body heal a bit. Then try a session. See if it feels any different. Please try it TD. Of course the hazard is that once you stop, it's very hard to start again (one know what to do but can't do it). But the thing is, resting might let your body memory get its things together.


/J

 

[Aikilove]

Another note...
If you do decide to quit, then at least learn the lesson of training. You felt better. You could do things you wouldn't dream of before. Your diabetes improved. etc. Don't stop moving your body! Take up swimming or anything you can do yourself, by yourself.

/J

 

[TDWoj]

The only reason I haven't said definitely that I'm quitting is because I know that if I do, I will gain all the weight back that I've lost (another 2 pounds, so that makes 30 altogether now), and I will be back to walking like a 90-year-old with two hip replacements inside of a week. Swimming is out; I don't swim, I'm terrified of the water, from an incident when I was five where I nearly drowned. I'm not interested in fitness clubs, and walking daily is too easy to wiggle out of.

I'm depressed about aikido right now because I'm in pain, that doing the techniques to someone else but robbing them of their right to throw me just doesn't seem fair, especially since everyone else who started at the same time I did is tumbling along as if they've been doing it all their lives. Even the guy who's going to be tested at the same time I am for 6th kyu is starting to lecture me on all the things I'm doing wrong. (That irks me, since my technique for anything but ukemi is very good.)

I was hoping to go on a holiday this summer, but it seems to have fallen through. That would have given my drooping spirits a bit of a boost, and I might have come back from it re-energised. I think the disappointment over the now-not-happening trip coupled with other difficulties right now are just adding to the frustration I'm feeling about not progressing well in aikido. These are not the right reasons to quit; however, the motivation to continue needs bolstering.

 

[Amos Stevens]

Another reason not to quit TD...because it's too hard to get started again

(Amos over here cheering you on)

 

[TDWoj]

Well, I'm still taking aikido.

I went to free practice today. I spent a full half hour just practicing ukemi. I practiced four on the right side (the weak side) for every one that I did on the left side.

That seemed to help.

By the end of the half hour, my back rolls on the right side were happening about 3 tries out of every five, my front rolls (from standing position - kneeling is still a problem) on the right side about 50% of the time (kicking up that back leg is still an issue).

I have about 4, maybe 5 more free practice Sundays between now and my test. Also, I'm thinking if I can get to the dojo about half an hour before class starts (if it's open when I get there), I can maybe squeeze in an extra 15 minutes before class of ukemi practice.

I also did about 40 minutes of techniques practice. That I need more work on, as well.

We have a guest instructor for a few days, John Kenney Sensei from Boston. We have to pay $10 per class while he's here, so I can't really afford to go to every class while he's here, but I've been to one and I might be able to swing one more.

I guess sheer, dogged determination does over come physical inadequacies.

 

[Amos Stevens]

Good for you TD!

Here,let me help roll you into the other room towards food

 

[Aikilove]

Keep it going TD!

/J