Lol
- Thread starter yudansha
- Start date
Nurse Serena, yes. Just not the medicine by Nurse Serena.yudansha said:Do they not like being treated by nurse Serena?
And the one for today:
Maybe I ought to try that spoonful of sugar thing, eh?
"Are you still here?" LOL I do that with the kids all the time, but I get really dramatic about it.
Roll my eyes, throw my hands up in the air, shake my head.
They love it! LOLAnd I like the second opinion one from today.
Some people will continue looking for another opinion until they find one that matches theirs!
Cute ones with the cats and the dog, Lollipop!
I've not seen ones like those before.
yudansha
TheGreatOne
Are you afraid of roberts? :=))
Why would a robot (let's call him Bobby) steal a VISA card?
To go partying at the local Radio Shack.
FYI: In Japan - considered by many as the global hub of robotic research - enthusiasts are calling 2005 the Year of the Robot since domestic robots are a US$4 billion industry for 2005 and the number is predicted to be topped to US$40 billion by 2025. So far, Japan's electronics moguls have created robots that sing and dance (Sony's QRIO), run (Honda's AIMO), play instruments (Toyota's Partner Robot), track down people in a crowd (Toshiba's ApriAttenda), tell jokes (ATR Intelligent Robotics Robovie-R ... and Canada's Yudansha), wrestle - sumo style (Fujitsu's HOAP-2), and as a new guard dog equipped with a digital camera that moves about your house and warns of intruders while you're out by calling your cellphone (Roborior).
Military side: In United States, robot's personality has been used for de-mining and surveillance missions, while South Korea's defence ministry is to invest $2 billion by 2011 primarily for a surveillance robo-army to monitor its 240km border with North Korea but these robots are developed such that they may also be armed, allowing for the removal of South Korean troops from the very tense border duty.
Robotic revolution in health care: robots are equipped with interactive webcams to help keep tabs on seniors and offer undivided attention to women in retirement homes who share their stories about their grandkids, make elderly patients smile at hospitals before reminding them to take their medication, watch for prowlers, and play with kids. This could allow frail seniors to live independently longer, and it may also bring them peace of mind. "By talking with the elderly, a robot can ease mental stress," says Norihiro Hagita of Kyoto-based team of roboticists at ATR Intelligent Robotics and Communication Laboratories developing a prototype robot with a touch that feels almost human. Bonding happens with robots the same way that it does with pets. Robo-pets, in fact, have proven successful in hospital trials in Japan as mechanical nurse's aides. Similar studies, using humanoid robots, are taking place with the very young. Since February, a Sony QRIO has been attending nursery school on the campus of the University of California in San Diego. A 2' tall dancing fool spends 30 minutes with the 10 children on alternate days while researchers chart the emotional connections being made. The kids were initially cautious, but now they view the QRIO as any other classmate - dancing with it, helping it up when it falls and even covering it with a blanket when it's sleeping - treating QRIO as if it's a really weak little brother.
An affordable robo-buddy and a domestic goddess with an on/off switch (and a mute button I hope) are on the way, but for now the medical personnell will stay sleep deprived.
Why would a robot (let's call him Bobby) steal a VISA card?
To go partying at the local Radio Shack.
FYI: In Japan - considered by many as the global hub of robotic research - enthusiasts are calling 2005 the Year of the Robot since domestic robots are a US$4 billion industry for 2005 and the number is predicted to be topped to US$40 billion by 2025. So far, Japan's electronics moguls have created robots that sing and dance (Sony's QRIO), run (Honda's AIMO), play instruments (Toyota's Partner Robot), track down people in a crowd (Toshiba's ApriAttenda), tell jokes (ATR Intelligent Robotics Robovie-R ... and Canada's Yudansha
), wrestle - sumo style (Fujitsu's HOAP-2), and as a new guard dog equipped with a digital camera that moves about your house and warns of intruders while you're out by calling your cellphone (Roborior).Military side: In United States, robot's personality has been used for de-mining and surveillance missions, while South Korea's defence ministry is to invest $2 billion by 2011 primarily for a surveillance robo-army to monitor its 240km border with North Korea but these robots are developed such that they may also be armed, allowing for the removal of South Korean troops from the very tense border duty.
Robotic revolution in health care: robots are equipped with interactive webcams to help keep tabs on seniors and offer undivided attention to women in retirement homes who share their stories about their grandkids, make elderly patients smile at hospitals before reminding them to take their medication, watch for prowlers, and play with kids. This could allow frail seniors to live independently longer, and it may also bring them peace of mind. "By talking with the elderly, a robot can ease mental stress," says Norihiro Hagita of Kyoto-based team of roboticists at ATR Intelligent Robotics and Communication Laboratories developing a prototype robot with a touch that feels almost human. Bonding happens with robots the same way that it does with pets. Robo-pets, in fact, have proven successful in hospital trials in Japan as mechanical nurse's aides. Similar studies, using humanoid robots, are taking place with the very young. Since February, a Sony QRIO has been attending nursery school on the campus of the University of California in San Diego. A 2' tall dancing fool spends 30 minutes with the 10 children on alternate days while researchers chart the emotional connections being made. The kids were initially cautious, but now they view the QRIO as any other classmate - dancing with it, helping it up when it falls and even covering it with a blanket when it's sleeping - treating QRIO as if it's a really weak little brother.
An affordable robo-buddy and a domestic goddess with an on/off switch (and a mute button I hope
) are on the way, but for now the medical personnell will stay sleep deprived. Attachments
yudansha
TheGreatOne
I think I am, therefore I am. I think.
From George Carlin's "Napalm & Silly Putty"
- Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- If people climb Mt. Everest because it's hard to do, why do they go up on the easy side?
- How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite?
- If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance.
- Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore.
- No one quite knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- I think it would be great if you could make a guy's head explode just by staring at him.
From George Carlin's "Napalm & Silly Putty"
- Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- If people climb Mt. Everest because it's hard to do, why do they go up on the easy side?
- How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite?
- If people stand in a circle long enough, they will eventually begin to dance.
- Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore.
- No one quite knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- I think it would be great if you could make a guy's head explode just by staring at him.
Attachments
Littledragon
Above The Law
yudansha
TheGreatOne
observations
(George Carlin) some comedy for thought
- Whenever you see more than two men sitting in a parked car after dark you can be sure drugs are involved.
- You know what would be great? To be in a coma. You're still alive but you have no responsibilities.
"He owes me six thousand dollars."
"He's in a coma."
"Oh, okay. Never mind."
- I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
- One of my favorite things to do at a party is smoke a bunch of PCP and start taking people's rectal temperatures without permission.
- If the police never find it, is it still a clue?
- You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
- Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere.
- When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
(George Carlin) some comedy for thought
- Whenever you see more than two men sitting in a parked car after dark you can be sure drugs are involved.
- You know what would be great? To be in a coma. You're still alive but you have no responsibilities.
"He owes me six thousand dollars."
"He's in a coma."
"Oh, okay. Never mind."
- I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
- One of my favorite things to do at a party is smoke a bunch of PCP and start taking people's rectal temperatures without permission.
- If the police never find it, is it still a clue?
- You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
- Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere.
- When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
Attachments
Yudansha, these are great!! I have followed George Carlin for years, and he's greater than ever, in my opinion. I was laughing at all of these. I'd love to see more here and there!
And thanks for the Stitches cartoons. I still take all of them to work. They're all that's on the board in the break room and everyone comments on them. I liked the one here about greeting his mother! Sometimes I feel that way by the end of the week myself! LOL And the triage nurse with "we don't negotiate". You wouldn't believe what some people offer to skip to the head of the line! 
Thanks for the laughs!
I have followed George Carlin for years, and he's greater than ever, in my opinion. I was laughing at all of these. I'd love to see more here and there! And thanks for the Stitches cartoons. I still take all of them to work. They're all that's on the board in the break room and everyone comments on them.
I liked the one here about greeting his mother! Sometimes I feel that way by the end of the week myself! LOL And the triage nurse with "we don't negotiate". You wouldn't believe what some people offer to skip to the head of the line! Thanks for the laughs!
No! But that's a great idea, Yudansha! I've never read any of his books, for some reason.yudansha said:Have you read George Carlin's "Brain Droppings" (that's the title of one of his books)?
But it sounds like some good light summer reading!
Guess I'll start with "Brain Droppings".
Thanks for the suggestion.
yudansha
TheGreatOne
"light summer reading"
OMG it ain't so light. I bought one of his books the other day and take it to work to read during lunch time, and man does the peace get disturbed! It's not for those with light stomachs.
Carlin doesn't write books in volumes. So you can start with either one of his books and not worry about having missed a prequel or something.
(and I guess you do know that this is the guy who likes to make the best use of the American language)
OMG it ain't so light.
I bought one of his books the other day and take it to work to read during lunch time, and man does the peace get disturbed! It's not for those with light stomachs. Carlin doesn't write books in volumes. So you can start with either one of his books and not worry about having missed a prequel or something.
(and I guess you do know that this is the guy who likes to make the best use of the American language
)Now I really am curious!yudansha said:OMG it ain't so light.
Carlin doesn't write books in volumes. So you can start with either one of his books and not worry about having missed a prequel or something.
(and I guess you do know that this is the guy who likes to make the best use of the American language
I think I will pick up one of them--but black and white person that I am, I'm sure I'll start with the first one.
And no worries about a light stomach.
I'm looking to disturb a little peace myself!
yudansha
TheGreatOne
"I'm looking to disturb a little peace myself!"
Well, here's your chance.
The Morning News
- London police fired warning shots over the heads of rioters today. Unfortunately, they killed six members of the royal family watching from a balcony.
- A spokesman for the Vatican announced today that in Rome a statue of St. Peter has come to life and is passing along fishing tips and veal recipes.
- The California Humane Society has filed a criminal complaint against a man they say is keeping tropical fish in a moving blender. The man admits it is true but says he has never turned the blender above Mix. The Humane Society claims he's had it up to Whip and Puree several times.
- A Florida man who wrestles alligators for a living was eaten alive today when the alligator apparently did not understand the universal signal for "time-out."
- Chief Justice William Rehnquist had an embarrassing moment in court last week. During an oral argument, the chief justice farted quite loudly. Recovering quickly, and displaying his vaunted wit, Rehnquist said, "One more outburst like that, and I'll clear the court."
- The Loch Ness monster surfaced today, and in a clear Scottish accent asked if she had any messages.
- A Kentucky man has been arrested for making an unauthorized deposit in a sperm bank.
- And finally, here's one for The Guinness Book of World Records. A Baltimore man recently broke a longtime mental record when a forty-four-year-long thought he was having came to an end. When asked what he had been thinking of he said he couldn't remember, but that it would probably come back to him. He added that quite possibly it had something to do with his hat.
The American Bu$ine$$man's Ten Steps to Product Development
1. Can I cut corners in the design?
2. Can it be shoddily built?
3. Can I use cheap materials?
4. Will it create hazards for my workers?
5. Will it harm the environment?
6. Can I evade the safety laws?
7. Will children die from it?
8. Can I overprice it?
9. Can it be falsely advertised?
10. Will it force smaller competitors out of business?
Excellent. Let's get busy.
I hope everybody likes music:
Well, here's your chance.
The Morning News
- London police fired warning shots over the heads of rioters today. Unfortunately, they killed six members of the royal family watching from a balcony.
- A spokesman for the Vatican announced today that in Rome a statue of St. Peter has come to life and is passing along fishing tips and veal recipes.
- The California Humane Society has filed a criminal complaint against a man they say is keeping tropical fish in a moving blender. The man admits it is true but says he has never turned the blender above Mix. The Humane Society claims he's had it up to Whip and Puree several times.
- A Florida man who wrestles alligators for a living was eaten alive today when the alligator apparently did not understand the universal signal for "time-out."
- Chief Justice William Rehnquist had an embarrassing moment in court last week. During an oral argument, the chief justice farted quite loudly. Recovering quickly, and displaying his vaunted wit, Rehnquist said, "One more outburst like that, and I'll clear the court."
- The Loch Ness monster surfaced today, and in a clear Scottish accent asked if she had any messages.
- A Kentucky man has been arrested for making an unauthorized deposit in a sperm bank.
- And finally, here's one for The Guinness Book of World Records. A Baltimore man recently broke a longtime mental record when a forty-four-year-long thought he was having came to an end. When asked what he had been thinking of he said he couldn't remember, but that it would probably come back to him. He added that quite possibly it had something to do with his hat.
The American Bu$ine$$man's Ten Steps to Product Development
1. Can I cut corners in the design?
2. Can it be shoddily built?
3. Can I use cheap materials?
4. Will it create hazards for my workers?
5. Will it harm the environment?
6. Can I evade the safety laws?
7. Will children die from it?
8. Can I overprice it?
9. Can it be falsely advertised?
10. Will it force smaller competitors out of business?
Excellent. Let's get busy.
I hope everybody likes music:
Attachments
yudansha
TheGreatOne
"Your kids are overrated." - George Carlin.
EXTREME CAUTION! This is George Carlin's material.
If you must edit something - DELETE it - DO NOT attempt to modify it as the joke will be lost. I will not appreciate it much as that would mean that I spent my time typing for nothing, and I hate wasting time. ... (some of the following might be a little more "mature" than some can handle - I'd say Parental Advisory should be in effect, but for the rest of you, sit back, relax and enjoy this PG-13 humour )
Carlin's Short Takes on life and its offerings:
- Do you ever get that strange feeling of vuja de? Not deja vu; vuja de. It's the distinct sense that, somehow, something that just happened has never happened before. Nothing seems familiar. And then suddenly the feeling is gone. Vuja de.
- You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
- You know what you never hear about? A bunch of Jews being hit by a tornado.
- Don't you hate it when people send you unsolicited pictures of their kids? What's that all about? It bothers me. I hate to keep throwing away perfectly good pictures.
- I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
(Serena, ready to blush?)
- Here's some fun: Run into a bakery and ask if they can bake a cake in the shape of a penis. They're never quite sure: they always have to have a meeting.
"Well, I don't know. Wait just a moment."
While they're talking, pull out your schwanz and wave it all around.
"Good Lord, Helen! Quick! Order extra flour!"
- So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- I think someone could make a lot of money if they set up a little stand at the Grand Canyon and sold Yo-Yos with 500-foot strings.
- Road rage, air rage. Why should I be forced to divide my rage into separate categories? To me. It's just one big, all-around, everyday rage. I don't have time for fine distinctions. I'm busy screaming at people.
(ok, one more)
- There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
- Driving is fun. Did you ever run over a guy? And then you panic? So you back up and run over him again? You ever notice the second crunch is not as loud as the first? I think it's because the guy already has tread marks on him. But there he is, lyin' right in front of your car. Might as well run over him again. What're you gonna do this time, drive around him?
- Sometimes they say the winds are calm. Well, if they're calm, they're not really winds, are they?
- I think a good title for a travel book would be Doorway to Norway.
- Next time they give you all that civic bull about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
- Murder investigators say that in most cases husbands kill wives, wives kill husbands, children kill parents, and parents kill children. Thank God for a little sanity in the world.
- Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.
- If there really are multiple universes, what do they call the thing they're all a part of?
(language! it's only funny this way - feel free to change the word to 'duck')
- Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f*ck.
EXTREME CAUTION! This is George Carlin's material.
If you must edit something - DELETE it - DO NOT attempt to modify it as the joke will be lost. I will not appreciate it much as that would mean that I spent my time typing for nothing, and I hate wasting time.
... (some of the following might be a little more "mature" than some can handle - I'd say Parental Advisory should be in effect, but for the rest of you, sit back, relax and enjoy this PG-13 humour )Carlin's Short Takes on life and its offerings:
- Do you ever get that strange feeling of vuja de? Not deja vu; vuja de. It's the distinct sense that, somehow, something that just happened has never happened before. Nothing seems familiar. And then suddenly the feeling is gone. Vuja de.
- You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
- You know what you never hear about? A bunch of Jews being hit by a tornado.
- Don't you hate it when people send you unsolicited pictures of their kids? What's that all about? It bothers me. I hate to keep throwing away perfectly good pictures.
- I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
(Serena, ready to blush?
)- Here's some fun: Run into a bakery and ask if they can bake a cake in the shape of a penis. They're never quite sure: they always have to have a meeting.
"Well, I don't know. Wait just a moment."
While they're talking, pull out your schwanz and wave it all around.
"Good Lord, Helen! Quick! Order extra flour!"
- So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- I think someone could make a lot of money if they set up a little stand at the Grand Canyon and sold Yo-Yos with 500-foot strings.
- Road rage, air rage. Why should I be forced to divide my rage into separate categories? To me. It's just one big, all-around, everyday rage. I don't have time for fine distinctions. I'm busy screaming at people.
(ok, one more
)- There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
- Driving is fun. Did you ever run over a guy? And then you panic? So you back up and run over him again? You ever notice the second crunch is not as loud as the first? I think it's because the guy already has tread marks on him. But there he is, lyin' right in front of your car. Might as well run over him again. What're you gonna do this time, drive around him?
- Sometimes they say the winds are calm. Well, if they're calm, they're not really winds, are they?
- I think a good title for a travel book would be Doorway to Norway.
- Next time they give you all that civic bull about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
- Murder investigators say that in most cases husbands kill wives, wives kill husbands, children kill parents, and parents kill children. Thank God for a little sanity in the world.
- Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.
- If there really are multiple universes, what do they call the thing they're all a part of?
(language! it's only funny this way - feel free to change the word to 'duck'
)- Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f*ck.
Attachments
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! OMG--I have GOT to get his book! Yudansha, those are hiliarious!
I'm still laughing out loud, even as I type this. Some of my favorites: 7-Eleven (here there are 5 within a 2-minute drive of each other
), Quarantined (amen to that sometimes! ), the cake (HAAAA--and how many times have I heard him say schwanz LOL), Road rage/air rage , driving over the car---I'm still laughing at that one LOL. The rest are very funny also! The two pics were great too, especially the ironic one about treating patients as equals! :indiffere And the one about the pregnant women and drinking--I like when he does those wry reflections on life. They're not outright funny sometimes, but he tells it like it is!Thanks for taking the time to type all these out, Yudansha!
What a great laugh I had. Definitely incentive to get the book!
yudansha
TheGreatOne
You are welcome, Serena.
But those were no Brain Droppings, though.
And I just noticed this, when did they move you up the ladder to an admin?
I'm telling you, a female president is the best thing for the planet. I mean, imagine - Ashley ruling the world.
Man, does God love her humour or what?!
But those were no Brain Droppings, though.
And I just noticed this, when did they move you up the ladder to an admin?
I'm telling you, a female president is the best thing for the planet. I mean, imagine - Ashley ruling the world.
Man, does God love her humour or what?!
You're right about a woman president.yudansha said:But those were no Brain Droppings, though.
And I just noticed this, when did they move you up the ladder to an admin?
I'm telling you, a female president is the best thing for the planet. I mean, imagine - Ashley ruling the world.
Man, does God lover her humour or what?!
There have been plenty of great queens.
Ashley for president, eh?
Let me guess who her vice president would be. Whatever happened to that Ashley/Charlize thread you created, anyway? I had some pics to put in there, but couldn't find it. They weren't sexy pics, so don't bust your butt to find them.
yudansha
TheGreatOne
So, I search and search and search, and what do I get?
"Sorry! The administrator has specified that you can only do one search every 60 seconds."
Hey you, admin, let's see some specifications on Charlize here:
http://www.steven-seagal.net/forum/showthread.php?t=6423
(best way to search for stuff like this, is go to the profile of the thread creator and click on "Find all threads started by...")
"Sorry! The administrator has specified that you can only do one search every 60 seconds."
Hey you, admin, let's see some specifications on Charlize here:
http://www.steven-seagal.net/forum/showthread.php?t=6423
(best way to search for stuff like this, is go to the profile of the thread creator and click on "Find all threads started by...")