ZenLateralus said:
Is it good practice and healthy to try to say "hi" and work up discussion with girls that I don't know? For example, I go to a college and there really aren't girls in my classes. Would it be healthy when outside of class to walk up to random girl and try to say hi and make up some weak conversation? I'm trying to figure out on how to meet new girls in hopes that one day I could find another girlfriend. In the past I've met girlfriend's in Jr. High, High School, which seemed much easier than college. Also, I met my last girlfriend where I worked because she worked there too. I really don't think any of the girls where I currently work are either available or that I'm even interested. I ask around and most of my "friends" say that they don't know anyone I could date so that's out of the question. I know most people are like you should get to know yourself first (already do) and that I'll find someone when I'm not looking (goodness, if no one is looking than I don't see how this could work). I'm trying to get myself out to bars to try and hang at social places near the college. The single life just isn't for me. I don't see the point in finishing college, getting a good job, moving out of home, etc. when I'm not with someone that I love and who loves me. Also, I quit smoking like 4 years ago and I'm about 2 steps away from starting again. I'm not even sure that is so bad. If I'm going to be single anyway for the next couple years than what-the-hell if it calms me down first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Any suggestions or recommendations would be welcome.
First of all, relax. If you go looking, you won't find one. Girls can tell when a guy's in desperation mode and hunting just as much as a guy can tell when a girl's hunting. I wouldn't worry about "finding a girlfriend". Why don't you just make friends with girls and see what develops?
Secondly, DON'T START SMOKING AGAIN. It's bad for your health, bad for your teeth and breath, and what happens if you meet the girl of your dreams and she gives you thumbs down because you smoke?
Thirdly, it's not so bad striking out on your own when you're on your own. Learn how to cook - I can tell you from experience, most women love a man who can cook, and pick up after himself (and who remembers to put the toilet seat back down).
Learn how to chat to strangers and how to keep it cool without looking like you're hunting for a girlfriend. I don't know about bars - I never enjoyed going to bars myself, mostly because I was the ugly duckling amongst the girls I went out with and never got asked to dance. And you can't have an interesting conversation in a bar, anyway - too much noise.
A friend of mine wasn't looking for love when he went to a friend's New Year's Party, but he met a girl there and that was 15 years ago and he's still with her. (Bad luck for me, though; he was the one fellow I liked in my writer's group, but he saw "hunting" in my eyes and ran away.)
Did I mention, DON'T START SMOKING AGAIN?
But the main thing is to relax and work on other areas of your life, such as getting an education, getting a job that pays well enough so you can get a nice car (girls like nice cars), learning to cook (very important!), and becoming a person who is strong enough to be on his own, but soft enough to be easy to get along with. If you think you're only half a person without a girlfriend, then you have issues that you need to resolve before you get into another relationship.
-TD, who knows from her own mistakes