Laughter is the best medicine!

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O.K. I'll start this for fun. Take it as you will. I will be posting jokes to make you laugh (or try at least to make some of you lighten up a little). Please contribute (but stick to the jokes; please don't pollute with the excess c**p).
These are just jokes, nothing more!

1. A man comes for a job interview:
- "I have a wife. I have five Children."
- "What else can you do."

2. - "I remember being able to drink a bucket of beer, but now, I can only manage half."
- "What happened? Health deteriorating?"
- "No, my head doesn't fit beyond half the bucket."

3. You don't have to think of a reason to drink on Friday. Friday is a reason enough.

4. A plane. Pilot’s cabin: the pilot explains the height of flight, speed, weather outside etc. Then puts down the microphone, and forgetting to turn it off relaxes in his chair and wishfully exclaims: “Wouldn’t it be great just to have a cup of coffee and a woman right now!” The stewardess decides to remind the pilot that the microphone is still on and sprints towards the cabin.
Voice of a passenger: “Don’t forget the coffee!”

5.A patient comes to a doctor and asks:
Patient – “Doctor, nobody notices me!”
Doctor – “Next!”

I will post more later.


Nice start, Yudansha! Hopefully you'll have better luck as far as contributions than my "Humor Corner" thread in November. :D


Smile dammit!
Aw Serena,i laughed! Threads sometimes have the life of one of Britney Spear's marriages.
Doctor,i feel like a pair of curtains
Ans. Pull yourself together! *groan*
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Ans.Tickle it's balls.


Excellent Storm i love the one about the pool table, cant wait to tell my girlfreinds in my team they will more then likely pee them selves.Heather.


Doctor's Orders:

1. A man is walking down the street at night and is stopped by a policeman who asks:
- “Where are you going sir?”
- “What do you mean where?” asks the man “I’m going to listen to a lecture on the bad habit of alcohol.”
- “And who’s going to be reading you that lecture at three o’clock in the morning?”
- “What do you mean who? – My wife and mother in law!”

2. After a long party, a man picks up a phone, and dials the number to find out the time. Then after listening to the given information, he screams "Hey, but what month is this?"

3. A guy phones the fire department and screams:
- “Help! My house is on fire! Come here quickly!”
- “Remain calm! Tell me, how do we get there?”
- “What are you fools kidding me? You get here in a big red truck!”

4. If you found the woman of your dreams, you can forget about all your other dreams.

This is for ladies:
5. Guys are like ... Xerox machines. You need them for reproduction. And actually ... that's all.

The husband got tired. He quickly packed his bags with all his things inside and screams at his wife:
- “That’s it! I’m gonna show you all what a man I am. I’m going to Canada to hunt the white bear, catch fish from icy waters, and chase wolves. Then I’m gonna go to the jungle and will hunt the wild animals!”
He runs out, slams the door, and quickly runs down the stairs into the street. Five minutes later he returns:
- “You got lucky again! I’m not leaving, it’s raining outside…”


Women Unite!

Take all women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.


Three guys were drinking in a pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remained quiet.

After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow said, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed, and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"


Barbecue - It's the only type of cooking some "real" men will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

1. The woman goes to the store.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is
lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off", and
upon seeing her annoyed reaction concludes that there's just no
pleasing some women.


Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered woman, invented sex.
Woman discovered sex, invented headache.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, and it was a complete mess after that.


The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," smiles Johnny.


And here's my favorite joke.
A client in the restaurant:
"Waiter!Waiter!I'm not gonna eat this shit.Call the cook please!"
"It's useless,sir.He's not gonna eat it either."


thanks for contributing

Serena those Afghan jokes, nice! Tora, I see why that's your favourite joke; good contribution. I'll add more in a few hours (gotta do some bio studying now). Keep this thread alive guys.


Smile dammit!
It's alive as Lazarus. No worries.
"3. You don't have to think of a reason to drink on Friday. Friday is a reason enough." Damned right.
Serena,men are not all paranoid/braggers/spoofers/bulls***ers/fantasisers. Just most of them. Ha ha.What's the difference between a rooster and a call girl?
One says "c**k-a-doodle-doo".
The other says "any c**k will do!"
Hope no kids are reading! Maybe a mod required *naughty*


lol!!! (I exclaim an exclamation mark)

OMG Storm lol will not do that justice you need LOL with the height of a CN tower. Yes and I think it would be great if someone can add a system of rating some threads so that minors don't visit (it's too much work I guess, but that would be cool). Keep'em coming Storm (as long as others don't mind that is).


Storm said:
.....Serena,men are not all paranoid/braggers/spoofers/bulls***ers/fantasisers.

No, Storm, I'm quite sure they're not. ;)

Storm said:
One says "c**k-a-doodle-doo".
The other says "any c**k will do!"
Hope no kids are reading! Maybe a mod required *naughty*.

Geeze, Storm--you didn't have to self-edit the "cock-a-doodle-doo" part, you know. I wouldn't have been that hard on you! :D
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