ORANGATUANG said:
Ok ...I think that my marriage made up of lies and decit from the very beginning because the reason i didnt have any children was because my ex said that he couldnt because he was sterile...what an crock he was taking the male PILL wasnt he so the reason iam saying this is that his new wife is pregnant and he is the dad...so now i have wasted my life for sure and knowing that i wanted an baby so bad and still do it will never happen...i feel like my soul has been ripped out of my body and disgarded..
I can only dream now of what if?..Maybe some one like Steven will come along one day, but thats my dream if only an reality....so thats the latest and final chapter in my life..i will never talk or think of him ever again...he is erased.............................
Heather... you can't "erase" anybody who played such a big role in your life... don't even try to "erase" him, nor think that you actually did it, you'd be lying to yourself... If you really loved him, you did not love a liar or a jerk, you loved the part of him that was "good"... the worst people have some good - perhaps very deep inside, perhaps very well hidden, perhaps not big... but still, it is there... somewhere... and that is what you loved. You can't throw your love to the trash bin, it would be like spitting on your own feelings and this could do you more harm than all his "bad sides" did/do. He wasn't faithful...? you were... then be faithful to yourself. He hurted you? don't hurt yourself some more by letting his "acts" dirty up something that was always pure inside *you*. He can't destroy you, only *you* can... don't let this happen.
Free your heart from all the negative feelings that can only harm *you*.
Go out and pick flowers, or buy some, bring beauty into your home.
Pamper yourself, get to learn the real you... we tend to forget about ourselves when we live for someone else or for our couple rather than for ourselves... the woman you knew years ago has slowly changed, and she has changed a lot lately. Who is she now? *She* is what matters. Not the wife, not the ex-wife... the Woman herself, the one who is One and Whole and does not need anyone to be Herself. Get to know her and love her, this woman who is You... Get rid of everything that is the past... Open a suitcase, real or virtual, and put inside everything that does not have a reality in your Present, that you don't need for the Future. Also put in there all the wounds, resentment, bitterness, whatever, all the broken dreams... you don't need those, they do not belong to you, they are not You... and get rid of that suitcase! Then, you can really meet someone... you don't *need* to, but you will... maybe someone you already know, maybe someone you never saw before... Whoever, you don't want him to fall in love with the ex-wife, you want him to love the Real You... until you free yourself from the past, it's not possible.
I'm sending all the Light and Love and good energies I can gather... and big Hugs too.
Jampa
P.S.: As to having a Child... : I wish to remind you that you are only 41, my Dear...! ;-))))))
Good to see you posting anyway.