Clean jokes for a dirty world
- Thread starter Anneliese
- Start date
cathleen_jones@yahoo.com
Katalin
BLONDIExxx
2 Blondies on the phone:
A: hey, you also don't have any hot water on the tap?
B: yes we do, its only cold now.....
XXX
Blondie driving. At crossing a homeless bows through the window and asks for a fag ...she gives a cigi
At the next crossing stops again and the homeless asks her: actually do you have a lighter as well? - and she gives it to him, drives further...
Then she stops at next crossing. The same homeless bows in again and says: and for £100 I tell you how you could leave the roundabout... no comment
xxx
Blondie complains she failed the driving test.
Other Blondie: Must be not true, how happened?
Our Blondie: Just arriving to a roundabout I've seen a table with a note: 30. I made 30 rounds and when finished, the examiner said I didn't pass it.
Other Blondie: Gee, is it not possible you miscounted?......
xxxx
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly
were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians
ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
he called into the cave and listened closely
until he heard an answering,
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes
and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled
and asked the remaining Indian
what it was all about.
"Was that Indian crazy or what?"
The Indian replied
"No, It is our custom during mating season
when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.
If they get an answer back,
it means there's a beautiful woman
in there waiting for us."
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave,
stopped, and hollered,
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was the answer.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods
alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size
of the huge opening, he was thinking,
"Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!
It's bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening
and hollered with all his might,
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Like the others, he then heard an answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face,
he raced into the cave,
tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day,
the headline of the local newspaper read....
NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!!!!!
were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians
ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
he called into the cave and listened closely
until he heard an answering,
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes
and ran into the cave.
The Hillbilly was puzzled
and asked the remaining Indian
what it was all about.
"Was that Indian crazy or what?"
The Indian replied
"No, It is our custom during mating season
when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.
If they get an answer back,
it means there's a beautiful woman
in there waiting for us."
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave,
stopped, and hollered,
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was the answer.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods
alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size
of the huge opening, he was thinking,
"Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!
It's bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening
and hollered with all his might,
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Like the others, he then heard an answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face,
he raced into the cave,
tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day,
the headline of the local newspaper read....
NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!!!!!
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man...
Dum Gai
Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu
That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man...
Dum Gai
Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
> >
> > I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door,
> > whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
> >
> > Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
> > As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
> >
> > He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
> > I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,'An, ID ten T
> > error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
> >
> > Eric grinned ... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
> > 'No,' I replied.
> >
> > 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
> >
> > So I wrote down: ID10T
> >
> > I used to like Eric, the little ******* .
> >
> >
> > I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door,
> > whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
> >
> > Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
> > As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
> >
> > He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
> > I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,'An, ID ten T
> > error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
> >
> > Eric grinned ... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
> > 'No,' I replied.
> >
> > 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
> >
> > So I wrote down: ID10T
> >
> > I used to like Eric, the little ******* .
> >
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
Subject: The blue pigeon
The mayor of Phoenix, Arizona, was worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix . He could not remove the pigeons from the city. Phoenix was full of pigeon poop. The people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
> >
One day a man came to the Mayor: 'I can rid your city of pigeons without any cost to the city. But you must promise not to ask me any questions, or you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.' The mayor accepted the free proposition.
> >
The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue Pigeon. The blue Pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue Pigeon and gathered in the air behind the blue Pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue Pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.
> >
The next day the blue Pigeon returned completely alone to the man who had released it. The Mayor was impressed. He felt the man and the blue Pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of all the pigeons.
> >
Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.
> >
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
> >
> > Do you think The Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?
> > Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
> > Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue Pigeon?
> >
Nooooooo!
> >
The mayor asked: "Do you have a blue Mexican??"
The mayor of Phoenix, Arizona, was worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix . He could not remove the pigeons from the city. Phoenix was full of pigeon poop. The people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
> >
One day a man came to the Mayor: 'I can rid your city of pigeons without any cost to the city. But you must promise not to ask me any questions, or you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.' The mayor accepted the free proposition.
> >
The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue Pigeon. The blue Pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue Pigeon and gathered in the air behind the blue Pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue Pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.
> >
The next day the blue Pigeon returned completely alone to the man who had released it. The Mayor was impressed. He felt the man and the blue Pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of all the pigeons.
> >
Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.
> >
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
> >
> > Do you think The Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?
> > Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
> > Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue Pigeon?
> >
Nooooooo!
> >
The mayor asked: "Do you have a blue Mexican??"
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
CATHOLIC COFFEE
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24" waist,
34" hips.
When she walks into a room people say,
"Oh My God."
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24" waist,
34" hips.
When she walks into a room people say,
"Oh My God."
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
Three-legged chicken
Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was
speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it
turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the
chickens had three legs.
The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"
The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."
Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"
The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."
Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was
speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it
turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the
chickens had three legs.
The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"
The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."
Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"
The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."
ORANGATUANG
Wildfire
oh girl it hurts when i laugh but these are so funny ..got an more ( :
Anneliese
Happy go Lucky
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."