Laughter is the best medicine (part 2)

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Smile for today

spuzmunky_baby_pic.jpg



:D Anneliese
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
GOOD THINKING BLONDE

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.He said," I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook." This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.What does the think this place is....an auto parts store?"

" No," the cook said "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and the running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

" Oh,OK" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked," What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied," I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

:D Anneliese
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
A lot of folks can't understand
how we came to have
an oil shortage her in our country.

Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in:

Alaska

California

Oklahoma

Texa

Utah

and

Wyoming

Our DIPSTICKS

are located in

Wahington, DC

:D Anneliese
 

Jules

Potters Clay
Anneliese said:
GOOD THINKING BLONDE

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.He said," I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook." This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.What does the think this place is....an auto parts store?"

" No," the cook said "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and the running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

" Oh,OK" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked," What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied," I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

:D Anneliese

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa..............

.........Hey....Grandma browns beans work well in producing methane. ;) :D NO MORE FUEL SHORTAGES!!! LOL....
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health...?It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lot of sausage and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.? Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

:D Anneliese
 

ORANGATUANG

Wildfire
A blonde phones the fire brigade and says...
"can you come quick,my house is on fire and it will burn down if you dont come and save it!"...

The fireman asks "how do we get there?"

"Helloooooooo" the blonde replies ...
" in the fu*#!ing big red truck!"...
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Gas Prices!!

I went into a 7/11 store today and told them I wanted $ 5 worth of gas.

The clerk farted and handed me a receipt.

:D Anneliese
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
ORANGATUANG said:
Ohhhh dont do that Anneliese make me laugh...thats an good one have to show my sister...

I am sorry Heather, I forgot, your ribs probably hurt when you laugh.
I will wait until you are much better, before I post more jokes:D

Anneliese
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
MARTHA STEWART vs. MAXINE :D

Martha's way:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine's way::D

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pet's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha's way:
To keep potaoes from budding, place apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine's way :D
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way:
Wrap celery in the aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine's way: :D
Celery ? Never heard of it !

Martha's way:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.The trobbing will go away.

Maxine's way: :D
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink.

Martha's way:
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine's way: :D
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's way:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine.Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine's way: :D
Leftover wine ????????????????????
HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

ORANGATUANG

Wildfire
Here are an couple of funnish ones..Man with an strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor...The doctor says" I will give you some cream to put on that"..

Two peanuts walked into an rather rough bar , not looking for trouble .Unfortunately one was a salted.

Two cannibals were eating an clown one says to the other "does this taste funny to you"...

My freind drowned in an bowl of muesli.He was pulled in by an strong currant..

I went to an really energetic "seafood disco" last week and pulled an mussel..


Our icecream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered in hundreds and thousands ..Police say that he topped himself.....
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
ORANGATUANG said:
Here are an couple of funnish ones..Man with an strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor...The doctor says" I will give you some cream to put on that"..

Two peanuts walked into an rather rough bar , not looking for trouble .Unfortunately one was a salted.

Two cannibals were eating an clown one says to the other "does this taste funny to you"...

My freind drowned in an bowl of muesli.He was pulled in by an strong currant..

I went to an really energetic "seafood disco" last week and pulled an mussel..


Our icecream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered in hundreds and thousands ..Police say that he topped himself.....

Good ones, Heather, its my turn to laugh:D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
A man died and went to heaven. As he stand in front of St.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked," What are all those clocks? "

St.Peter answered, " Those are Lie-Clocks.Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

" Oh" said the man, " whose clock is that? "

" That's Mother Teresa's. The hands never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. "

" Incredible," said the man. " And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded," That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in this entire life."

" Where's my clock? " asked the man.

" Your clock is in Jesus office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." :D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your livingroom,messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free.............. You either married it or gave birth to it.:D
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Yearly Physical

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. " How much do you weigh?" she asks. " 115 " she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140 and she shows the woman. The nurse asks, " Your height?" " 5 feet 8," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5'5" and she tells the woman. She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high. " Of course it's high" she screams, " When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"
 

Jules

Potters Clay
pics

I found a cute cartoon and card cover to share.
 

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Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench .
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5 th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
 

Anneliese

Happy go Lucky
Subject: FW: $100


A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the
postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it
to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the
little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little
boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a
thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that
for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those assholes
deducted $95.00 in taxes.

:D :D :D
 
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